Check out this Ugly Face Toilet Plunger Cover. Dude, your face is so ugly I want to stick a toilet plunger in it. I bet this guy has heard that a million times. He’s got a face so ugly only a toilet plunger could love it. I guess that means he has a potty mouth. Honestly, this guy doesn’t look too bright, so he probably doesn’t mind getting rammed by a toilet plunger. I don’t even know the guy and I want to shove one in his head.
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Author: Artemis Winterford
Freddy Krueger Nightmare On Elm Street Windchimes
This set of Freddy Krueger Nightmare On Elm Street Windchimes makes me suspect I’m actually in a dream. If I get too close and try to shut them up, it’s gonna go crazy and slash at me. That’s why I’m trying to wake myself by repeatedly pinching myself and throwing drinks in my own face. So far all it’s gotten me is a rash and a giant puddle on the carpet. Whatevs. Let it make all of the noise it wants. If I go to sleep while already sleeping he can’t get me. And if he can, I’m gonna keep sleeping in each dream and he will have to catch me. Eventually I’ll wake up….
Unless I have to wake up again and again until I find my way back to the first dream. This shizz is confusing. God dammit Freddy! Can’t I get one night’s sleep?
Embalming Fluid Coffee Mug
The best part of waking up…is embalming fluid in your cup… I wouldn’t try that actually, but this Embalming Fluid Coffee Mug is pretty awesome. When you’re feeling post mortem, grab a cup of coffee and resurrect yourself. Be pre mortem. Sweet!
Monster UV reactive mask
Holy shizz this guy is ugly. This Monster UV reactive mask is gonna be the perfect way to terrorize my neighbors. UV stands for ultra venereal, which as we all know, makes you glow like a radioactive freak and spreads from your weiner to your face. Huh? Ultra Violet? What the hell is that? Is that like Blu-Ray? Cuz I’m still rockin’ the VHS tapes.
UFO Flying Saucer Types Womens T-Shirt
Molesters from other planets are kidnapping us. Sometimes putting us back into our beds at night, sometimes leaving us in a cage on the UFO so they can point and laugh at us. The first step in avoiding abduction is knowing your alien craft and that’s where this UFO Flying Saucer Types Womens T-Shirt comes in handy. If you see any of these, just run. Don’t let your bum get invaded by intergalactic whackjobs.
Losers. Yeah, I wish I had nothing better to do than fly around in a hot rod UFO sticking stuff up the cavities of various species. Some of us have to work for a living.
P.S. I just noticed how many of these UFOs are shaped like dongs. I wonder what their docking port is shaped like. Sickos! Nothing but sickos! Intergalactic trash!