*Stoner voice* Dude, my skull is totally baked! This Skull Baking Pan must be from Deady Crocker. I think I saw this on the food network. No, wait. It was the F-ewwd Network. I’m gonna decorate mine for the Day of the Dead. Might give him a gold grill too, cuz he has to look as badass as he tastes. I hope I don’t drop it and give my confectionary a concussion.
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Author: Artemis Winterford
The Beauty of Horror: A GOREgeous Coloring Book
The Beauty of Horror: A GOREgeous Coloring Book. Hmmmmm. Something tells me I’m going to need more red crayons. Just a guess. This adult coloring book looks pretty darn scary. I’m not sure if I can color this in without my mom nearby. No, not because I’m scared, but because I still live in her basement.
Kinda sucks, but it is pretty sweet to be able to hit the ceiling with a broom handle and demand she make me a sandwich. Then she yells her own demand, which is for me to get the f*** out of her house. That was a big mistake cuz I don’t negotiate with terrorists. Meaning, I’ll leave when I’m good and ready. Oh, when I get enough sandwiches, I’ll get out and not before. Now where’s my sandwich? Where’s a man that I can call my son? Oh, it’s on now mother! I hope you enjoy caring for a man-child well into your 70s! Because that’s what you’re getting!
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The Webcaster Gun Makes Realistic Halloween Cobwebs
The Webcaster lets you spin realistic spiderwebs like Spider-Man himself. They look so realistic, you will swear you have a Black Widow infestation. It’s basically an awesome glue gun that makes cobwebs. Now I have to get one. Cuz I want my basement to look all creepy for Halloween, and the spiders just aren’t doing it fast enough. The “glue sticks” come in several different colors. Hope I don’t web myself in a corner. Fingers crossed.
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The Devil Tarot Card Duvet Cover
They say that the devil is in the details. I say he’s in your bed and this Devil Tarot Card Duvet Cover is proof. I’ve never done a tarot reading in bed before, but I have done a tarot reader in bed. *Rolls eyebrows up and down.* Not much reading got done that night, but I spent a fortune. *Rim shot* I’ll be here all week.
Seriously though, I’ve heard a lot of weird stuff about the devil: That he went down to Georgia, that he wears a blue dress, that he has his own eggs, but I’ve never heard of a devil on a duvet. Good luck getting sleep under that thing.
Weird Octopus Backpack
Check out this Octopus backpack. It has a giant head that you can shove all of your stuff in. It almost looks like a big slab of meat hanging off of your back. Skin colored meat. With two eyes. It commands you as it slowly sinks into your back muscles, day after day, which ache from doing your master’s bidding.