Author: Artemis Winterford

Cute Zombie In Coffin Sculpture

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Cute Zombie In Coffin Sculpture
Make some room in your heart and on your shelf, for this Cute Zombie In Coffin Sculpture. This undead figure can be displayed in his coffin or out. He either just ate something super sour or he’s getting his tonsils checked by the zombie doctor. I have no idea. Oh and he took his own eyeball out.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a self-harming zombie before. He’s all about not living fast and undying young. Does that make sense? Again, I have no idea. I ran out of “medicine” today aka Box wine and I don’t know what’s going on with anything. You’re lucky I showed up at all. I was gonna call in sick, but there are just too damn many of you. It would have been a full work day just letting you all know and half of you would have thought I was lying about that lie about helping the old lady to the hospital after a squirrel attack.

4 Headed Dark Duckling

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4 Headed Dark Duckling
The quack is back. No, that’s not right. The quack is black. Beware the 4 Headed Dark Duckling. He probably spent his life walking in circles. That would suck having to eat for 4.

This thing is whacked yo! No, it’s quacked yo! It’s actually 4 individual ducks all put together. So this thing is stacked yo! You might say the maker got all his or her ducks in a row. And that’s all the duck comedy I have for today.

Duck Tales…Wooo-ooo!

Crazy Plush Specimens In Flasks

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Crazy Plush Specimens In Flasks
If you’ve ever wanted to collect some specimens inside of chemistry flasks, this is your lucky day. Etsy seller carelesspress has several of these Crazy Plush Specimens In Flasks. I have no idea what kinds of specimens these are, but they are plush and probably very highly contagious diseases. Like a prozzy in a fur coat.

Collect them all and be THAT weird scientist guy. You know, the one who isn’t really a scientist, but has plush specimens in jars. Fine, I admit it. It’s me. Except all of my specimens are in jars in my fridge. And they’re plush because they’re mold.
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Alien Abduction Tattoo On Synthetic Life-Like Flesh

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Alien Abduction Tattoo On Synthetic Life-Like Flesh
Now you can experience the joy of having your own badass Alien Abduction Tattoo without all of the pain of having it on your own flesh. This Alien Abduction Tattoo On Synthetic Life-Like Flesh will make a great conversation piece. I like that it looks like a limited edition Pop Tart. Don’t put this thing in your toaster, unless you like the smell of burning synthetic flesh in the morning.

It’s not real flesh obviously. The aliens probably have walls full of the real thing. If you get an alien abduction tattoo, they will rip it off while you are on the exam table. They gotta keep their secrets after all.

Leather Tarot Card Holders

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Tarot Card Holders
Etsy seller ContrivedtoCharm has some cool Leather Tarot Card Holders. That way you can keep your deck safe and organized. Reminds me of the only time I ever went to a psychic for a Tarot Card reading:

The death card. What does that mean?

Death! You idiot!

You mean someone in this room is gonna die?

I think we both know who.

Whatevs ya old crackpot! *Throws a tip on the table and heads for the door. Leaves and slams door. Hears a loud BOOOOOMMMMM! Opens door and peeks back in. Sees a pair of feet sticking out from underneath the piano that fell from the second floor.*

Holy Madame Cleo! She was right.

*Tiptoes around the wreckage to retrieve my tip.*
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