Author: Artemis Winterford

Krampus Effigy Candle

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Krampus Effigy Candle

Check out this Krampus Effigy Candle. Or maybe it’s Gene Simmons. Now I’m not sure. Just like his head and set the mood. Whether it’s a romantic dinner you want or a soak in the tub, Krampus will be there. With his head on fire. And strangely, he’s not running around looking for a bucket of water to put it out.

I like Krampus. Gonna write a comedy screenplay. Here’s my pitch: It’s called Krampus on Campus. It’s a coming of age story about Krampus attending college. He parties, he lives, he love, he learns… It’s a heartwarming tale of a creature with a dream.

Fart Warning Underwear

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Fart Warning Underwear
Fart Warning Underwear. You’ve been warned. I don’t know why you’re still hanging around watching that loading bar reach critical mass. When this thing blows the walls are gonna be repainted.

Just squirted a little, so I can get ya a color swatch. I call it “Downtown Brown”. It’s hip and trendy. I think you’ll like it.

Awesome Octopus Bookends

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Awesome Octopus Book Ends
What you are seeing is not in fact an Octopus who turned to stone and was then cut in half. Although that would be pretty friggin’ rad man. Gnarly even. Maybe tubular. It’s not talk like a skater day? Oh well. *Rotates hat to the proper orientation and chucks skateboard behind me as glass shatters.*

No, this is a pair of Awesome Octopus Bookends. Hang on. I sense your confusion. Same thing happened to me. It’s actually for books that are whole and intact. Not just for the ends of books that have been sawed off for whatever reason. That would be silly. I knew that and didn’t have to google it. They go on the ends of your book pile, see. It’s actually a brilliant idea.

Confession time: Someone once asked me for a pair of bookends so I tore out the last page of War and Peace and Gone With The Wind. Boy did I feel like an idiot.

Ghostly Child In Window Art Print

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Ghostly Child In Window Art Print
WTF? Why does Nosfera-tot feel the need to visit when I sleep? He looks so sad. Probably because that soft spot on his head never fused together right. Maybe he’s stealing my dreams. Maybe he’s my guardian, protecting me from Freddy. I have no idea. I just know it’s weird and the neighbors have been complaining.

Look, how about I just buy this Ghostly Child In Window Art Print, then you can do your freaky thing and watch me all you want. Cool? You promise to keep me safe from Freddy right? Okay, cool. I’m trusting you here man. Don’t make me regret this.

Anatomia Humani Corporis Renaissance Anatomical Sketchbook

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Anatomia Humani Corporis Renaissance Anatomical Sketchbook
This book is ribbed for your (reading) pleasure. This art journal is called the ‘Anatomia Humani Corporis’, ultimate Renaissance anatomical sketchbook. That’s way too many big words in a row. I’m pretty sure that’s fancy talk for a sketchbook. Also, am I the only one who has the urge to stick a pair of tweezers in that rib cage to try to get the debri out. *BUZZZZZZ* Man, I do not have the hands of a surgeon. That’s okay. If it wasn’t for incompetent doctors we would have no butchers.

This fancy-schmancy leather bound blank book has 520 pages and is awesome for you artist types who like to draw guts and stuff.
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