Author: Artemis Winterford

Gothic Bat Ring

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Gothic Bat Ring
I’m Batman! No, really. Why won’t anyone believe me? I have the kick-ass Bat ring and everything. Geesh guys. Next time save yourselves. I knew I needed an entire costume, but I was trying to be different. Also cheap. Do you know how much capes cost these days? Just get a ring, I said. It will be a new superhero phenomenon I said. Nope. Not so much.

Well, my super career may be over, but at least I have this sweet bat ring. It’s super cool and batty in my belfry! HAHAHAHAAHHAH Oh man. I think I may be the joker!
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Replica Tub Of The Stuff

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Replica Tub Of The Stuff
Hey look. It’s the stuff. The stuff is awesome. I’m always eating the stuff and touching my stuff. I can’t put my stuff away. Seriously, it’s been a long time since I have seen the movie. All I remember is that this gooey treat is everywhere. A freaky goo that oozes from the earth and is marketed as a dessert.

I think it makes people act like zombies. Sure, I could look it up on Google, but I won’t. Make me punk! Okay, okay, I’m doing it. I just talk tough because I’m afraid to show my emotions. The stuff! Get it before it gets you.

Metallic Dark Purple Bat Purse

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Metallic Dark Purple Bat Purse
Hey ladies! Carry all of your lady stuff in this Metallic Dark Purple Bat Purse. *Removing my arms from my shirt sleeves and putting them into my shirt. Flapping away like crazy and making bat noises as I try to escape.* Just call me Bat-Dini! Who? No not Houdini. And not Who-dini either. That’s an owl thing I do when I’m bored in bed.

Anyway, this awesome bat purse is awesome. Flappin’ awesome. Like wing flappin’ and teeth sinking into your neck awesome. Make sure you carry it upside down during the day, cuz it needs sleep.
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Human Skull Planters

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Human Skull Planters
I need these Human Skull Planters like I need a plant growing out of my head, but I have to admit, dude’s got a nice set of hair. It’s all living matter up top, and nothing but dead skull below. At the very least it will scare some kids this Halloween.

I would have put a mini planter under the jaw, just so I could give him a little Chia Pet beard, but that’s just me.

Garbage Pail Kids Flats

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Garbage Pail Kids Flats
Is your name Atom Bomb? Elaine Vein? Wally Tamale? These Garbage Pail Kids Flats are for you. They have Garbage Pail Kids printed all over them. Actually, these are for women. Sorry guys. You’ll have to find some GPK shoes elsewhere.
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