Author: Artemis Winterford

Taxidermy: Coyote Becomes Poodle Disco Queen

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

80s coyote
Etsy seller SaySwear’s neighbor made this hot little number. The neighbor came upon a coyote recently hit by a motorist and dead on the side of the road. She did what anyone would do. No, I don’t mean that she poked it with a stick and puked by the side of the road while doubled over. That’s what I would have done. No, she loaded it up and took it to a local taxidermist. Then SaySwear gave “Helen” a Disco makeover.

Funny when you consider that this Coyote’s favorite disco song was “I Will Survive”. At first I was afraid, I was petrified… “Staying Alive” was NOT her song.
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Just Another Pot Head

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pot head
This is a Pot Head. This is also your brain while looking at a Pot Head.*Cracks an egg and fries it* It is the creation of Etsy seller museumofwonder, which is impressive. Because most people have to give birth to a Pot Head and let him ferment until his teen years when he starts experimenting. That’s what my parents did anyway.

Stupid Pot Head! Every time I try to cook in you, the food drips out of your mouth and nose like you’re listening to Pink Floyd and drooling. I wouldn’t care so much, except it usually starts a fire.

Inflatable Hail Protector Is A Condom For Your Car

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inflatable hail car protector
Stuff like hail and rain and falling frogs and such will hurt your car’s exterior. If you want to protect your finish, you better get an Inflatable Hail Protector. Or as I like to call it, a car condom. You protect your crotch junk with one, so put one on your car.

The hail protector makes your car look like a blimp. It inflates with air so your windshield and paint job will be safe and sound from hail and other stuff. And it won’t get your garage pregnant either. Because there’s nothing worse then waking up in the morning and finding an extra tiny car in the garage. Protection people.

This Is Why You’re Fat: Car French Fry Holder

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french fry holder
Why stop eating french fries just because you are driving? Texting and driving? That’s just crazy. But eating fries and driving is no problem apparently. Guys, if I get into a car accident and I see fries flying everywhere, I’m gonna know why you crashed into me. Because you have a Car French fry holder and were stuffing your face. And I’m gonna use it as evidence in court to make the judge send your french fry loving and driving butt to Jenny Craig.

And as we are comparing insurance info, don’t try to claim that the fries that flew into my car are yours. They’re not. And you don’t need ’em tubby!

Aren’t You A Little Constipated To Be A StormPooper?

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trooper on a pooper
Friend to the site and all around cool guy(He still scares me though) DeadGreedy has another fun bit of Star Wars weirdness. A StormPooper. This Funko Pop figure is reading the paper, trying to force his muscles like a trash compactor, so he can lay some Imperial mines.

I hope he cleans up real good, because everyone knows Stormtroopers can’t shoot straight. Speaking of shooting, why does he need his blaster while on the toilet?

Oh, that’s right. This is a cut scene from George Lucas’ “remastered” Star Wars. I read about this. There was that comedy bit where every time this guy sat down to do his business, he got interrupted by Leia’s rescue. As I recall, it ended with this guy cowering on the Millenium Falcon toilet, as an angry Wookie bursts in, ready to take a hefty “Steamy Ewok”.