These American Horror Story Custom Prayer Candles from Etsy seller Zachstuff will set the mood for your next AHS marathon. All of the witches and bitches from season 3 are here, dressed up all religious like. Great for interior lighting and for casting spells. Only $49.95.
Author: Artemis Winterford
Easter Bunny Crucifiction Oil Painting
Here is an uplifting painting to display during Easter. It stars the Easter bunny as Jesus Christ. He died for our sins. Our Easter sins. Like not buying enough candy for kids baskets and using extra plastic grass so you can skimp on a few sugary peeps. Or buying candy the day after Easter half price. You sinners know who you are. Dad.
Here you see the Jeaster Bunny in three forms for the three days it took Jesus Christ to rise from the grave, according to the biblical text. On the left, the Easter Bunny is happy, standing with his basket of colorful eggs, ready to deliver them to kids. In the center, things take a dark turn, as he is being crucified. Delicious candy Peeps mourn below the cross. Then our candy delivering bunny and savior claws his way out of his grave. He has been resurrected! Hallelujah! And run like hell!
Beetlejuice Necklace
I don’t have any evidence to support this, but this Beetlejuice Necklace may in fact keep Beetlejuice away if you say his name three times. In fact Beetlejuice-
Nuts! Now Michael Keaton is all up in my business, wearing way too much makeup and acting like he’s all hopped up on angeldust. Now I may have to spend $22 on this necklace to get rid of him.
What the hell is that racket? Stop going through my stuff man! How do I get rid of him? Oh, saying his name 3 times also gets rid of him? He’s gone now. I’m still ordering this necklace. Michael Keaton on crack is too messed up a house guest.
The Brief Safe Will Bring Thieves To A (Skidding) Halt
The Brief Safe. It keeps your money and cards safe. Because it is a pair of briefs that look nasty. They even have a faux-skid mark. They have special compartments to keep your stuff safe. Even if you have them off and tossed in a corner, no one is gonna want to touch your nasty business.
You can leave it in plain view in the laundry basket and thieves will just gasp, cover their nose and mouth and move on. Be safe with the Brief safe. Now how am I gonna tell them apart from my normal underwear?
The Roadtripping Dead: Airstream Trailer Fantasy Coffin
Die in style with this sweet Airstream Trailer Fantasy Coffin. Only $3,000. from Ebay seller track16vintage. According to the seller, this is how they bury people in Ghana. In cool unusual coffins. Sounds legit. The Ghana-rheans (Is that right?) are pretty cool peeps.
I’m moving to Ghana. In Ghana, funerals are a pretty big deal. Children of the deceased are assigned new parents, and mourners spend days in heartfelt conversation with their lost loved ones. (Sweet! New parents to buy me a new Xbox. No need to gab at me all afterlife though.) Check this out. Women give the body a ritual bath and set out objects that the person will need in the afterlife too. (Awesome. Bathe me in a bubble bath please. Nevermind that my man-stick is going all flagpole on ya. That’s just what happens after death. Please lay out some Cheetos, the already mentioned Xbox and some Mountain Dew.)
I am totally gonna be a Ghana-rhean. Click through to check out the inside.
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