OMG Selfie Doll!

selfie dollNo need to go catching your BFF’s lice and other cooties, because you always lean in close and bump heads for those selfies. Just get this Etsy seller to make you a selfie doll instead. Take a picture of the doll whenever you need a selfie. Or put the doll against your friend’s head and take a selfie, that way your doll is getting your BFF’s scalp scabies and other nasties. Let’s face it, your friends ain’t clean. You know when your leg itches for no reason whatsoever? That was a rogue crab from your best friend Judy’s moldy clam. It was just saying hi.

Etsy seller Mahinarium will make you a selfie doll for $87.38, with up to two pieces of clothing.

Lifesize Uma Thurman Mannequin Wearing Poison Ivy Costume

Poison Ivy Batman and Robin costumeBatman and Robin. That was a terrible Batman movie. Luckily it did have Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy. I would rub up on those vines and get a seven year itch. You know what I’m sayin’? Reminds me of that time (the only time) a girl came over to my house wearing a sexy Poison Ivy costume. She was covered in actual Poison Ivy. She was all like, “I’m just wearing this so you won’t touch me, perv! I’m only here because you have an Xbox.”

Anywho. Do you want a life sized Uma Thurman doll wearing the Poison Ivy costume? Ebay seller gvmdesigns has one for you for 5 grand. Oh man, give me just one night with her and it would be worth the year long calamine lotion baths and blistery lesions all over my body. Mind if I climb that Ivy tower madame?

More images below, including a weird one where she has a canine sidekick.
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Pickles The Poltergeist Clown

picklesThis clown is named Pickles. The first time I went to write up this article, I ended up crying in the corner, pulling my hair out. I don’t traumatize easy, but here’s the Dill, Pickles is creepy. Look at that image. He is clown-napping that kid. Turns out Pickles has a history of stalking, then clown-napping dolls of little children. The eBay seller Swankykitty explains:

Pickles the clown has been causing a bit of mayhem in the Doll House that Swanky built. All the babies have been complaining about his incessant doll-napper tendencies and the suggestion has been made more than once that maybe Pickles needs to move to a home of dolls more like himself.

I bought this doll initially because it made me laugh that he looked like Micheal Jackson if Micheal Jackson would have dressed as a clown.

Click through for more Pickle mayhem, where you can see him being super creepy, hiding under the beds of other dolls and waiting to snatch them up.
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Easter Bunny Kitten Trapped Inside A Cadbury Egg

Easter bunny kittenEaster craziness is among us. This crazy Easter figure from Ebay seller Brutalsun just sold for $180. It is a yellow cat wearing bunny ears, seated within a chocolate Cadbury egg, which is seated atop 3 jelly beans. The whole thing looks like the Easter bunny is getting boiled in a Cadbury cauldron. A sacrifice to the holiday.

On a side note, I LOVE Cadbury eggs. I had one in each cheek when I saw what this figure sold for. I smacked my hands against my cheeks so hard that the monitor is covered in white/yellow/choco froth. Just oozing downward. True story. Sucks for someone else when I leave this public library!
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Antique Articulated Wooden Co-Pilot

wood co-pilotThis antique wood man is almost life-sized and fully articulated. Perfect for the Creep-pooling lane. Just dress him up in some hip clothes. He already has a carved face and everything.  He will be your new best buddy for $5,499.99. I would hang my GPS from his neck and give him a voice.

What do you mean turn right? It’s a dead end. Why do you always do this to me? This is what I get after buying you that sweet track-suit and sunglasses? We’re not hanging anymore man! It’s over. I’m about to open that door and kick you onto some highway pal! No. No, I’m sorry. The ride just wouldn’t be the same without you man.  Forgive me? It’s all cool bro. Just going through some stuff. People just don’t understand about you and me. Fist bump!
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