Category: Creep Wear

Bronze Slug Rings

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Bronze Slug Rings
Bronze Slug Rings baby! Slugs slithering all in between your fingers that you can use for brass knuckles should some dude mess with you in a dark alley somewhere. What? You want slugs to the face bro? BAM. SLUGGO! These slugs will never let you down. Unless somebody throws salt all over your hands.

This ring is sweet. I just wish I had known about this before I made my slug ring the old fashioned way. By shoving both hands in the garden and pulling ’em back up with nasty gooey slugs between my fingers.
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Nice Rump Roast – Pink Meat Cuts Dress

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Nice Rump Roast - Pink Meat Cuts Dress
Hey, nice rack! I mean ribs. Nice rump too. You got all of the best cuts. Ask your butcher about this Pink Meat Cuts Dress. Then shimmy your shanks in it and shake your rump roast. Cuz you are grade A, prime cut meat baby. You and I should have a meat and greet. I feel a tingling in my tenderloin. Actually it’s more of an itch, but anyway… I don’t want to get all em-broiled in this dress, but I think it’s awesome. No, really. Not busting your chops. Your pork chops.
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Realistic Spider Costume

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Realistic Spider Costume
I’m puttin’ this Realistic Spider Costume in my bugout bag. Then ya know what I’m gonna do? Bug the hell out! You can not swat me! No sticky trap can stop me. No can of raid can spray me. And I’m way too damn big to put under a cup, while you slip a paper underneath so you can take me outside. I am the god of spiders. Come to me my 8-legged minions! Flock to me and rule the world at my side from my gi-normous web of doom. Tonight we dine on human-sized cocoons.

*Sees a carpet of spiders skittering and approaching me from everywhere.* Uh… Wait! On second thought, no. I don’t want to be the god of spiders any longer! *Screams like a girl and ditches spider costume while I run away crying.*
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Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant

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Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant
Do you think that Werewolves all wear stuff like this cool Moonlit Cliff Werewolf Pendant, so they can spot each other and know that they are all Werewolves? I only ask cuz some nights I get crazy and tear through a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands and they have to lock me in a cage for the night. Also I’m hairy. People say I’m just hungry and fat, I say I’m a werewolf. Then I slash them with my claws and run off on all fours howling. Then I wake up naked the next day, but that’s only because I’m a free spirit.

It’s an endless battle with the moon. Speaking of the moon, I find that the moon acts childish. Oh well, probably just a phase. Once a month the moon gets so full of itself. It’s so vain. Anyway, here’s a song for the moon:

You’re so vain
You probably think this post is about you.
Don’t you?
Don’t you?

Toothy Void Necklace

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Toothy Void Necklace
Toothy Void Necklace. That’s a great name for this orthodontia oddity. You got teeth with nothing but a void beyond. Not even a tongue. Unless it’s hiding back there in the dark. Kinda creepy. I better french kiss it to be sure. mmmm-aaa-hh-mmmmmm Sorry it took so long. Had to be sure. That thing has tongue alright. Not gonna lie, that was pretty enjoyable. I think we’re engaged now. Unless I’m moving too fast. Do you think I’m mis-reading things? What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if she was just using me to get her teeth cleaned? I’m so confused.