This BatCape Poncho says I am a creature of the night and don’t I look fabulous?
Yes. Yes you do. Now stop prancing around in that thing and let’s go fight crime already! *Looks down at my leotard, elf shoes and boy shorts.* Why did I have to be Robin again? Oh yeah, that’s right, it looked like a pregnant bat when I wore it. Now I just look like a pregnant elf. *Punches one gloved hand into the other!* Let’s do this thing!
Read more “This BatCape Poncho Makes You The Head Bat Honcho”
She wore a teeny weeny zombie bikini…. And that was the day I decided to become a zombie hunter. Nah, not really. I thought it just sounded like the beginning of a cool love story.
I must be a zombie too, because that bikini makes my heart skip a beat and suddenly I’m all about the flesh. Brains? Who needs ’em? I didn’t get this far with brains. Oh you mean your brain. Sure, I guess it’s alright. Sure, I dig your brain. It’s why I approached you in the first place. Yeah. Wanted to mention some uh, philosopy and stuff.
Hungry Hungry Hippos Rings. I’ll get one and you can get one. Then we can have some epic marble eating competitions. They really work. I haven’t played Hungry Hungry Hippos in ages. If I want to see a bunch of large beasts fighting over stuff, I’ll go to any Walmart next to a McDonald’s on a Black Friday.
I’d have one of these on every finger. Both hands. Then you can unleash the marbles. Or these little cheese puff balls. That way I get to eat what they eat. Hey, I’m also a Walmart customer the rest of the year.
Read more “Hungry Hungry Hippo Rings”
Hey, nice ribs. You’ll be a walking X-Ray in this Rib Cage X-Ray Skeleton Sweater. You’ll be warm even though it looks like you have nothing on. Fun fact: This is how I look every time I plug in my toaster. I always curse the landlord, shake uncontrollably for 2 hours and then forget about the whole thing. This jogged my memory. What was I typing about? I like toast.
Read more “Rib Cage X-Ray Skeleton Sweater”
This Spider’s Lair Necklace is awesome. That spider has the perfect lair. Boobies! Is your name Charlotte? I was just admiring your web. I would love to have a lair like that. My lair is all empty Mountain Dew cans and cheese puff packages.
Sometimes I sit real quiet and wait for my prey to enter my messy web. Then I wrap it up in a cheese puff cocoon. It’s a game me and my cat play. I like it more than she does.