Category: Creep Wear

Take Out Tentacle Scarf

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chinese takeout food tentacle scarf
Orders Chinese. Waits for like a half an hour. Guy arrives. I tip him a buck forty and a lemon starburst. Then I go inside and unpack my order. It’s all piping hot. I open up the center container and retrieve my warm and toasty Take Out Tentacle Scarf. Wrapping it around my neck, I smile. I can now go out in the cold.

As I step toward the door, it hits me. It’s friggin June! What the hell. It’s like sub-zero here with the AC at full blast. Well, I guess I’m wearing my Take Out Scarf In today. Hope I fare better than that strangled mannequin below.
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Lion Pet Wig

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lion mane dog wig
Turn your dog or cat into the king of the jungle with this Lion Pet Wig. Other animals will cower to your pet at the dog park. I’m thinking about wearing one myself. It might make me the alpha-nerd in the comic book store. I said I wanted issue #1 NOW! Roarrrrrrr. *Collects myself* Thank you and have a nice day. But mister- I said good day sir!

In the jungle, the mighty jungle a nerd sleeps tonight. Wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh, wimoweh.

Monster Bags: Your Emotional Baggage Now Has A Face

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etsy monster bag
Etsy seller pippenwycks sells all kinds of cool Monster Bags. Dice bags, Clutch(Your heart and die at the sight of those teeth) bags, shoulder bags and more. They probably have bags under their eyes from staying up late at night, creating monsters. Funny story: That’s what my mom said when she had me.

I’d get one, but it ain’t my bag… Man. Besides, papa’s got a brand new bag. No, really. It’s nice. No teeth or eyes anywhere. In fact, I just opened it and it contains an Arby’s Roast Beef sandwich and some curly fries. The monster is me! *Om nom nom nom. Choke. Gasp.* Ate too fast. Drank too fast. Swallowed the straw. It’s really stuck in there, but on the plus side, it’s a straw so… I get extra points for choking while still being able to breath. ER here I come again. Where’s that EZ-Pass / Fast Pass card they gave me?
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Leather Bug-Eyed Alien Mask

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Leather Bug-Eyed Alien Mask
The BUG-EYED MAN is in your town. He’s on the sides of your buildings. He’s landing on your delicious picnic meal, then rubbing his butt in it as his tongue flicks all crazy like. He just spent like five minutes on a steaming pile of poo, soaking up the sun and the germs like he was in a four star resort and now he has landed on your skin, knocking you to the ground because this is a man sized freak! And totally not hygienic!

Yeah, that’s how it would be if I got this Leather Bug-Eyed Alien Mask. I could finally be a proper public menace and not just an internet menace. It is my destiny!

Corset Of Exploding Doll Hands

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etsy doll parts corset
You gotta admire any woman who can pull off a corset of baby hands, all reaching out like the souls of a hundred little money-grubbers, eager to enter this world and make adults broke. You gotta hand it to the Corset Of Exploding Doll Hands, it’s an outfit that would actually keep me away from boobies. And I trigger booby traps regularly just to get a look-see.

It never pans out, but it has booby in the name. They have to contain boobies sooner or later. Then I can win the booby prize, which is probably a pretty buxom and bouncy trophy.
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