Category: Creep Wear

Open Mouth Shark Purse

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etsy shark purse
Your purse is a guppy! This purse is a shark! Embrace the shark ladies! This Open Mouth Shark Purse is hungry and waiting for all of your lady stuff. No, that didn’t sound right. I mean, like your lipsticks, eyeliner and whatever else you ladies keep in your purses. Wear it during shark week.

Just like a real shark’s mouth, everything disappears forever once it goes into a purse. I don’t know how many times my phone number has mysteriously disappeared when a woman sticks it in her purse. I’m gonna need a bigger note. Get it? Jaws. Need a bigger boat? Oh whatever. Of course, that was before cell phones. Which are now the new shark. Oh, sorry my phone ate your number. Do you want it again? Uh, no.

Thug Life: I Just Did 9 Months On The Inside Onesie

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thug life baby onesie
Ha! This I Just Did 9 Months On The Inside Onesie makes your baby look like a prison inmate. 9 months in your mom? Pffft! I did 10 in your mom and SHE walked away with time served! Years? No, inches! Damn son, burn! Drops the mic! Walks away!

This onesie says your kid is never too young for the thug life. Those crazy people who have like 10 kids should get these for the whole gang, since they’ll likely grow up to be hooligans anyway. Hooligans. Heh. That’s an old timey word. You caught me. I’m really HG Wells and my time machine got stuck here. Sorry about any typos. I can’t see bully without my monocle.

Mr. T Starter Kit

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mr t vintage gold chain necklace
I pity the fool don’t have no jewelry! I guess that means I pity myself since I pawned all of my jewelry after the A-Team was cancelled. Just didn’t have the heart to keep rocking that mohawk and wearing that bling if my main man T wasn’t on the scene.

Being a part of the Mr. T club can be expensive though. All of those gold chains cost a lot of cheddar. That’s why you need a Mr. T Starter Kit like this. It has everything you need for $36. and even arrives at your door gift wrapped in a classy purple Crown Royal liquor bag. Nice!

Big Honking Nose Necklace Pendant

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nose pendant
Do you wear your heart on your sleeve? Wear a nose above your cleavage. Thanks to this Nose Necklace Pendant. I know that’s where I would be sniffing around if I was a pendant. It’s a pretty unique piece of jewelry. Until it catches a damn cold and then the woman wearing it is all, “I’ve been slimed” as she freaks out and tries to yank it from her neck.

Maybe you should just calm down and use that tissue paper that you stuff your bra with to clean up. That’s right, I know about that. I’ve been with enough “stuffers” to know. I can spot real breasts anywhere. Chicken or otherwise. Anyway, that’s the only downside I see with this pendant. Have fun Nostral-damus.
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It Pennywise Zip-Up Hoodie

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It Pennywise Zip Up Hoodie
Use chilly weather as an excuse to frighten everyone who encounters you. That’s what this It Pennywise Zip-Up Hoodie is all about. He’s the clown from the Stephen King book “It”. I bet that title took him like two minutes to come up with. I never read the book, but I’m assuming he was a carnival clown who drives around in a car named Christine, while working part time at the Pet Sematary, until he gets lost in the Dead Zone and encounters the Dark Tower. I could be wrong.

Could be that he is just a crazy clown who’s misunderstood. Whatevs. His flesh makes for a good hoodie.