Be kind. Rewind. Hell no. I fast forwarded every VHS tape I ever rented. Take that, now defunct and obsolete media! These Horror Movie VHS Pillows are much better than renting movies on VHS. There’s no rewinding, no grainy picture, just you cuddling up with a horror movie in a super soft VHS format. Rest your head on a movie about the undead. Rest your butt on a movie about a serial killer nut.
Category: Just Plain Weird
3D Alien Head Lamp
Holy Jeebus! This 3D Alien Head Lamp scared the hell out of me. It wasn’t until I reached behind me and covered my bung-hole and checked myself for implants, that I realized it was a lamp. Pretty realistic. Anyway, ain’t no way they’re coming back.
I have barbwire all over the floor, barbwire on the wall in case they float through and all over the ceiling in case they float through that. I also replaced my bedroom floor with a piranha tank, so I’m good. Only thing is I can’t move from my bed. Can one of you guys maybe come over here with a long piece of wood or something so I can leave my room?
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Human Head Bookends Put Your Brains Where Your Books Are
Put your money where your mouth is, by putting your brains where your books are. These Human Head Bookends put their brains right up against your books. Too bad I still won’t remember what I just read. I have a photographic memory. I only remember stuff if I photograph it. *Picks up Polaroid of the inside of the refrigerator* Yep. I better get groceries.
The only downside is that the photo I thought was just a cool selfie of a handsome guy holding a camera, was actually a photo reminding me to get film. I couldn’t remember anything for like a month, which I spent in the fetal position crying. Until I found another selfie of me in the fetal position, with a note that said, “This has happened before, it will happen again. Man up biatch! Look in the cupboard.” And that’s where I found more film. Yay!
Creature From The Black Lagoon Lager
I don’t always drink Creature From The Black Lagoon Lager, but when I do, I put a bottle in each gill. Then I lean back with my arms out and let that sweet joy-juice paint my insides. Sadly there’s no actual alcohol in this bottle, but it will look good on your shelf. It’s awesome cuz the creature looks drunk. Like totally sauced. “Hiccup. Yeaz, so I’m the preacher of da black login. Just div us another drink. Hiccup. Just one more. For da rose, I mean road. I mean pond. Lagoon. Whatever. C,mon, I get dry on land.”
The Watch Frog Sees Everything
Why does this “watch frog” have it’s eye on me? You spying on me?
Just a lil-ribbit.
Okay cool. You didn’t see nothing right? Just a guy relaxing on a weeknight, watching some Netflix with a rubber chicken nearby. Anyway, watch that eye. You don’t wanna get frog-glaucoma. Hey, here’s a good one.
Why couldn’t the 1/8 Polish guy join the Polish military?
Cuz he was only a tad Pole. Hahahaha.
Nothing to say about that? Frog in your throat? I kid. I kid. Seriously though, stop watching me.*Pulls shade down and grabs rubber chicken.*