Those are some ugly monsters. Which is exactly how I like my monsters. Ferocious and fugly. These Creature from the Black Lagoon and Frankenstein’s Monster Magnets will roar at you every time you open the fridge. I’m just assuming that’s where you’re gonna put them. Although I shouldn’t assume because that makes an ASS out of U and ME. I’m used to it, but I’m sorry I made an ass of you. Let’s kiss and make up. Smootches. Sorry I used tongue.
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Category: Just Plain Weird
Gold Skull Bookends
These Gold Skull Bookends look pretty awesome cuz they’re shiny. Also cuz I just want to put some crazy eyes in those sockets. And I know you have a better book collection than these two books shown here. They look like cool ancient idols. *Stands before them. Wiggles my hands, loosening them up. Gently lifts one skull so my books don’t fall down. I smile and go to put the idol in my satchel. A mechanism clicks somewhere. Rumbling starts. Giant boulder comes down from the ceiling and chases me. I barely make it as I jump through my front door.*
You see why these are awesome? Again! Again!
Skeleton Salad Forks
Man, I love tossing my salad. There’s just something about salad tossing that makes me happy. I think I’m pretty good at it too. I like to get my hands all up in that salad and just toss it like crazy, real fast like. Very satisfying. Sometimes I like to have a smoke after.
But tossing my stuff about to get even better thanks to these Skeleton Salad Forks. I can tell that those bony hands can toss my stuff like crazy, just getting covered in creamy white dressing, with croutons all between the fingers. I’ll be licking it all off. Does this sound dirty? Sorry, I’m just really into tossing.
What Big Eyes You Have – Ghost Doll Halloween Ornaments
These Ghost Doll Halloween Ornaments look like tormented souls bursting through your wall. I’m gonna have nightmares about these guys tonight, where they burst through the wall singing in some kind of ghost language as they suck up the blue light of my soul into their hungry mouths and grip at me with those tiny hands. It will probably give me a little kiss on the lips just before my dead body falls to the ground.
Leather Human Skulls
Hey leatherface. What’s up? These Leather Human Skulls are pretty cool. I could be…per-suede-ed to buy one. Get it? See what I did there? That’s such a bad joke, you should tan my hide. Uh-oh. Did it again.
These skulls started out as lace, believe it or not, but one day they were singing, “Give to me your leather, take from me, my lace.” And that’s when shizz got real. Used to be lace.Now are leather. Stuff like that happens with Stevie Nicks witchcraft songs.
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