Category: Just Plain Weird

Get Clean Lickety Split With Tongue Soap

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tongue soap
Dogs do it. Cats do it. You should too. I’m not talking about licking your own butt while you stick your leg in the air like some carnival freak. I am talking about cleaning yourself. With your tongue. Your soap tongue. This Human Tongue Soap will get you clean, but may leave you feeling dirty.

It’s perfect for bathing with your partner. Hey, can you tongue under my arms? I have some serious BO. Also, my butt is really dirty today. It needs some extra tongue. Yeah right there. That’s a little tongue in cheek humor, right there.

You can also get the “With Teeth” soap dish shown to go with it if you want to be really weird.

Zombie Toilet Brush and Zombie Head Holder Set

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zombie head toilet brush holder
This Zombie Toilet Brush and Zombie Head Holder Set is just what you need to keep a clean toilet during the zombie apocalypse. And you have a lot to keep clean ever since you made the local gas station restroom your HQ.

You’ll be sitting and squeezing in the last stall on the right, cramping up something fierce as you try to unload your cargo after 4 burritos and a Mountain Dew. And those zombies pushing at the barred door aren’t making it any easier to unleash your crap kraken. But rest easy knowing that as soon as you drop that load of diarrhea like a mud meteor, you can walk over to that door nice and calm, open it and shoot some corpses dead again until all is quiet. Then you can clean up the mess you made all over that stall and seeping into the next, with this toilet brush set and vow to eat better.

Sadly, you won’t be wiping between your mud-flaps since the nearest toilet paper is 2 towns away. But at least your restroom HQ is a little cleaner.
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Lifesize Unicorn Head

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lifesize mounted unicorn head
For $555.55 you can decorate your home with a Lifesized Unicorn Head. Good call putting it by the door. *Guy comes home wearing swiss cheese clothing.* Honey, I’m home! *Wife rushes to the door with a kiss. Impales hat on unicorn horn and removes his coat. Stabs his coat down too.* Honey, I don’t mind that you collect weird stuff, but I think it’s time for a new coat rack. And for God’s sake, STOP taking selfies with it!
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Monsters in America Map

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monsters in america map
America. It’s full of monsters. Some that the government created(Chupacabra) and others that UFOs dropped off(Bigfoot). It’s hard enough just trying to stay alive by not encountering them. We need to be armed with info about what’s out there and in which states you can find these scary foes. That’s where the Monsters in America Map comes in handy.

BTW I have no idea what a “Pope Lick Monster” is, but it resides in Kentucky, which is a long way from the Vatican. Why you wanna lick a Pope? They taste all old and vinegary.

Fifty Farts Playing Cards

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fifty farts playing cards
This deck of Fifty Farts Playing Cards detail the ins and outs of the fart world. Now you can be hip to all of the fart terminology and when you toot, you’ll be able to name that fart.

For instance you’ll abe able to identify the difference between a “one-cheek sneak” and a “smoke screen.” You’ll know when you let loose with a “snart” or a “butt-trumpet”. Me? I play the “mud harmonica”. No matter how you pass it out your blow hole, you’ll enjoy these cards and will be able to impress your friends.