This Life-Sized Bigfoot Statue has some big feet, I guarantee it. This is exactly what I need to scare my neighbors. The mythical beast can now be in your yard, minus the foul stench and occasional sasquatch poo. Now you can have an encounter every night. Just go out to your yard. Just don’t let the real Bigfoot see this. They don’t take too kindly to imposters/
Tag: life sized
Life Sized Velociraptor Hatching From An Egg
Jumping Jurassic Jeepers! A Life Sized Velociraptor Hatching From An Egg. This thing is going to look awesome in my living room. I’m gonna put a little top hat on him. A life sized dinosaur is better than a tiny one, cuz you don’t want to step on it. Then what you’ve got is a Ve-splosh-ciraptor. It’s also a real Jurassic mess to clean up.
This guy or gal is freshly hatched from his egg, with some added egg birth goo stuff. Nice touch. Man, if we were the Flintstones, we’d be buying these by the dozen and frying up dinosaur eggs with Brontosaurus burgers. But it isn’t. All we eat are lousy chicken eggs. I want to eat an egg from something that can kill me. Oh yeah, salmonella. Never mind. This guy was just born and looks like he already wants to kill you.
Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas
Are you interested in these awesome Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas? Yeah? Going once. Going twice. Skulled to the highest bidder. I almost said bidet. They will not be sold to the highest bidet because 1) It’s too tall and 2)bidets don’t buy things. They just shoot water up your bum-hole.
Now that we have that cleared up, or should I say now that your butt has been sprayed clean, I can tell you about these fancy decorative skulls from etsy seller PoorYorickSkulls. They come in all kinds of styles and colors. Not all kinds of shapes cuz you know, skulls is skulls. My uncle used to say that. I would tug on his sleeve and say, “Isn’t she pretty uncle? She has a nice face.” He would look and say, “Eh. Skulls is skulls. But she’s got some nice *beep*. It rhymes with holes. My uncle was an ass. I should really visit him in jail someday soon.
Anywho these skulls is awesome. Here’s a song I wrote.
These skulls ain’t got no souls.
Ain’t got no use for Doctor Scholls.
Magic so hype,
They keep your daughters off poles.
Decorate yer house,
They frighten moles.
It’s got a nose hole,
And some eye holes,
You know you love it,
So shut your pie-holes.
*Drops mic. Walks away.*
Read more “Colorful Embellished Human Skull Replicas”
6 Foot Tall Nosferatu Vampire Figure
Nosferatu, why don’t you come to your senses? You been out ridin’ fences for so long now… This 6 Foot Tall Nosferatu Vampire Figure scares the hell out of me. He looks like some squirrels nibbled on his ears. Apparently those glass eyes light up when you plug a 9-volt battery in, insuring nightmares for all. Only $700.
Also, check out those bags under his eyes. Dude needs more sleep. This is exactly what you will look like with this crazy freaky thing in your home. Say goodbye to sleep forever. Stop looking at me! I feel like he’s gonna make ferret-sucking type noises with those teeth.
Read more “6 Foot Tall Nosferatu Vampire Figure”
Lifesize Unicorn Head
For $555.55 you can decorate your home with a Lifesized Unicorn Head. Good call putting it by the door. *Guy comes home wearing swiss cheese clothing.* Honey, I’m home! *Wife rushes to the door with a kiss. Impales hat on unicorn horn and removes his coat. Stabs his coat down too.* Honey, I don’t mind that you collect weird stuff, but I think it’s time for a new coat rack. And for God’s sake, STOP taking selfies with it!
Read more “Lifesize Unicorn Head”