Who’s sharkin’ around for a new necklace? Something with some bite! Something that says my neck is a 70’s horror movie featuring an ocean predator about to attack an unsuspecting swimmer!
The Jaws Attacks Necklace is perfect! If you want, you can even replace the swimmer other stuff. Like grilled cheese, maybe a candy bar. Something that the shark can really sink it’s teeth into.
And you wanna be my latex salesmen? This 9 Shades Of George Costanza Pillow shows 9 of George’s most famous scenes from Seinfeld. Much like this blog, it’s a show about nothing.
There are 9 squares of George, with not a square to spare. You can get it as a pillow, an art piece, a pair of leggings, a tote bag, whatever. Having 9 Shades Of George Costanza around your house is kind of like having me there with you. We both know you picture me as short, fat and balding. Don’t deny it. I really don’t look like him. It’s the shrinkage! Shrinkage!
So many Seinfeld references, so little time. I do wear the manzier though. It’s just comfy.
Make your shower rad and awesome with this 3D Printed T-REX Skull Shower Head. There’s no manlier shower than one that simulates a T-Rex spew-puking all over you. To get you clean of course. Look how sharp those teeth are. If this thing bit me I would be super sore? *How sore?* Dino-sore! Obviously.
I would install this thing in my shower and paint a body behind it so I could get the full effect. Then I would make it so it looks like his stubby T-Rex arms are holding my soap and shampoo. Clean me T-Rex! Clean me! Suds are your enemy! Clean the species who now own this planet and behold our majesty! Arrggggggghhhhh! Who flushed the toilet?
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Your purse is a guppy! This purse is a shark! Embrace the shark ladies! This Open Mouth Shark Purse is hungry and waiting for all of your lady stuff. No, that didn’t sound right. I mean, like your lipsticks, eyeliner and whatever else you ladies keep in your purses. Wear it during shark week.
Just like a real shark’s mouth, everything disappears forever once it goes into a purse. I don’t know how many times my phone number has mysteriously disappeared when a woman sticks it in her purse. I’m gonna need a bigger note. Get it? Jaws. Need a bigger boat? Oh whatever. Of course, that was before cell phones. Which are now the new shark. Oh, sorry my phone ate your number. Do you want it again? Uh, no.
Use this Your Daddy’s In Jail Stick Figure Family Decal to tell everyone that daddy went away for awhile. Now you have to visit him behind glass. And mommy cries a lot. Obviously, before he left, daddy made a LOT of kids. Damn. 5 kids? Dude probably doesn’t wanna get out. 3 square meals, no nagging and no little wallet-thumpers to worry about? He’s probably getting into like 10 fights a week just to make sure he keeps that room and board secure.
I shouldn’t joke. This is just sad. Daddy’s in jail. This decal is a good sign that the woman driving is available and in need though.