Tag: accessory

Evil Glowing Clown Masks

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Evil Glowing Clown Masks
Beware the Glowing faced evil clown in a suit. That’s what my mom always said anyway. I never understood what she meant until this very moment. Cuz really, this is the same woman who said, “Beware the dishwasher in striped pajamas”. Mom was a drinker. Yet oddly enough her prophecies come true. It just sucks that I have to take the pajamas off and THEN load the dishwasher, but whatevs. These Evil Glowing Clown Masks from NeonNightLife are some real nightmare fuel.

It’s like clowns have arrived from the future to terrorize us so they can rule the Earth in 2057 and make the world one big circus tent freak show. Prepare to be tied up by balloon animals and taken to an internment camp for non-clowns via a tiny car packed full of these guys. I got my bug out bag, so I’m out peeps. Enjoy all those pies in the face and getting acid in the face as it squirts from the flowers on their shirts. Sick bastards!

Vampire Teeth Ring

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Vampire Teeth Ring
This Vampire Teeth Ring has got bite! You know that Dracula wears one like this right? But I ain’t tellin’ ya where he wears it. Know what I’m sayin’? What I’m sayin’ is he wears it as a Vampire C**k Ring, or VCR for short. Why ya gotta make me spell it out for ya? Damn. Never ask to see a Vampires VCR, cuz that ain’t a Samsung or Panasonic! What do you mean, how do I know? I just do. I’ve said too much. The point is, you should wear it out in the open so everybody knows. Just sayin’. I’m getting two of these bad boys so I can have a full Vampire jaw on my finger.

Cthulhu Bottle Opener

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Cthulhu Bottle Opener
Yo Cthulhu, lend me a tentacle with my beer. Cuz the only thing worse than an elder horror is the horror of being without a cold beer. This Cthulhu Bottle Opener will let you pop those bottle caps with the power of the tentacled one himself. Bring me the head of Cthulhu! For I must drink! Cuz H.P. Lovecraft stands for Heineken Pabst Lovecraft. True story. I think. I may have just made that up in a drunken stupor.

Hey, that reminds me of a joke. What do you call an alcoholic apartment manager? The Stupor-intendent. Ha ha ha. Drunk humor is the best. Thanks for all the Cthulhu Mr. Hangover Prone Lovecraft. Laterz.

Spider Skeleton Key Necklace

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Spider Skeleton Key Necklace
You ladies are going to look amazing wearing this Spider Skeleton Key Necklace. I wonder what it unlocks. Probably some treasure being protected by a giant spider queen. Nah. You know what it unlocks? My heart. Nah, not really. It unlocks a world of fashion and style cuz this necklace goes with anything girl. You gonna look sharp wearing the key to the spider kingdom. Sorry, I just gave away what it unlocks.

Cthulhu Amulet Of The Elder Gods Necklace

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Cthulhu Amulet Of The Elder Gods Necklace
It’s official. I’m an Elder God. Check out my sweet Cthulhu Amulet Of The Elder Gods Necklace. Rub-a-dub-dub I’m in the club. Cthulhu in da house. Which is a bad idea people. I once let Cthulhu in the house and he ate all of my food and hogged the TV. I say hogged, it’s more like he shoved the TV in his mouth and ate it while I was watching Netflix. That ain’t how you binge watch dog! Then he puked. Okay, I guess that’s binge and purge watching. That’s cool, you can leave now!