It’s official. I’m an Elder God. Check out my sweet Cthulhu Amulet Of The Elder Gods Necklace. Rub-a-dub-dub I’m in the club. Cthulhu in da house. Which is a bad idea people. I once let Cthulhu in the house and he ate all of my food and hogged the TV. I say hogged, it’s more like he shoved the TV in his mouth and ate it while I was watching Netflix. That ain’t how you binge watch dog! Then he puked. Okay, I guess that’s binge and purge watching. That’s cool, you can leave now!
Tag: mythos
The Elderizer Electric Air Freshener
Let an Elder Thing keep your area smelling fresh and fragrant. I know, that sounded bad. I didn’t mean “your area”. I mean the room that you are in. Silly guttersnipes. This The Elderizer Electric Air Freshener is the way to go. It brings the horror and the fresh scents. That’s a combo you don’t see every day.
It is based on an Elder Thing, as described in the Necronomicon of Abdul Alhazred, as well as the famed correspondence to Miskatonic University from the Mountains of Madness. If it drives you insane at least your home will smell nice.
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The Notebook Of Cthulhu
You know what I would do with The Notebook Of Cthulhu? I would read every entry and find out who his crush is, find out what he really thought about the last season of Gossip Girl, say “I know, right!” out loud a few times, and munch on some popcorn, saying “Oh no he dit-int!” when he talks smack about the Kardashian clan. Then I would gently close it and wait for the next volume to be written. And hope that he never ever knows I read his diary.
By the way, did you read about how he was all tentacle to tentacle with that Kraken? I know, right! And don’t tell him I said so, but he was like, super crushed when Veronica wouldn’t go out with him. Crazy!
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Cthulhu Bobblehead
What’s green, looks scary as hell and bounces around on your desk? No, not that booger I just flicked. well, okay that too, but I’m talking about this cool Cthulhu Bobblehead from Etsy seller stexe. We’ve featured his work before. He makes some pretty cool stuff, like these Burning Man candles.
This thing is no good for my OCD. Make the head bobble and roll a D10 for a Sanity check. Make the head bobble and roll a D10 for a Sanity check. Make the head bobble and roll a D10 for a Sanity check. There goes my whole day.
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Cthulhu Spoon Set
Dinner with Cthulhu is too dangerous, no matter how much of a fan you are. So, instead of dining with the ancient terror himself, use these Cthulhu spoons with your meal. They are much safer. But NEVER spoon with Cthulhu. Trust me on that one. The guy is all grabby x 8. Long story. It involves a rave, an out of work magician with a chicken and a bar on the east coast. Oh and a roofie in each tentacle.
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