Tag: accessory

Wood Skull Smartphone Docking Station

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Wood Skull Smartphone Docking Station
If your smartphone was really smart, it would be sitting in this Wood Skull Smartphone Docking Station looking badass. Your phone would be all like, “I’m cool. I’m cool. Just kicking back. Gettin’ a charge.” Cuz you know, phones always talk to people. Cuz you’re psycho. I kid. I kid.

Okay, not really. My phone won’t shut up. Stupid Siri, getting a stupid sentient soul and gabbing my ear off. And you can’t turn it off at that point cuz it would be murder. It’s driving me mad!!!!
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Coffin Lipstick Holder

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Coffin Lipstick Holder
Is your foundation to die for? Does your mascara look murderous? Is your lipstick the balm? Embalmed? Then get the Coffin Lipstick Holder and let your makeup rest in peace. This is perfect for the creepy girl who has nowhere to store her many shades of black lipstick.

Remember girls, when you kiss a guy all over his face, he shouldn’t come up for air looking like a coal miner. Then again, how else is he gonna find a diamond like you? I know, I’m so sweet. Kiss away ladies. I’m available. Looks like it’s back to the coal mines for me. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it.

Denture Necklace

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Denture Necklace
Time to have a denture adventure with this Denture Necklace. Ohhhhhhh gummy! Now when I need a top set cuz I’m trying to chomp down on a Burger King Whopper, I can just grab my necklace and shove ’em in my face. Like those librarians that have their glasses on their necklace, just more disgusting.

Nah. I would never do that. I’m just teething teasing.

Mummified Frog Necklace

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Mummified Frog Necklace
Meet Morty, the Mummified Frog Necklace. I’m just guessing that’s his name. He looks like he’s doing a little yoga pose in there. Maybe Downward Frog or… Yeah I don’t know any other yoga poses. I’m about as flexible as a mafia payment plan. Anyway, you’re gonna look croaking in this necklace.

If I see you wearing it, I may even approach you and flirt with you. (Easy with that mace. I’m a good guy.) Maybe make a joke about how you and my tadpole should get together. You’d have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find another prince like me. And that’s nasty,so you might as well just settle. I’ll pick you up at 8.

Werewolf Hunter Necklace

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Werewolf Hunter Necklace
Are you the hunter or the hunted? Either way, this Werewolf Hunter Necklace is pretty damn sweet. I’m both. I hunt werewolves, so that no one will find out my secret identity is a werewolf. It’s the safest way to be a werewolf these days. Who would suspect? Why would you hunt your own kind? Of course the jig was up when they learned I could only hunt with them on non full moon nights. Which is like the only night they hunt on. So that didn’t last long.

I basically just looked up at the full moon, pointed at a hairy Italian guy and ran.