This Medical Anatomy and Oddities Pillow Case is just what I need for some late night reading before sleepy-time. No wonder I have nightmares. Read me a bedtime story…
There once was a medical quack
who lived in a old wooden shack
He took out his spleen
and washed it all clean
then kissed it and put it back.
Cuz he’s weird. The end.
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This Coffin Heart Brooch is a coffin. It’s a heart. If anyone has ever ripped out your heart and buried it six feet under, you know the pain I’m talking about. Also, if someone did that to you, you are probably dead. Cuz we can’t survive without a heart. Politicians are the exception.
Wear this brooch proudly near your heart. It may just protect you from heartbreak. *sobs* I just can’t… I feel so lonely and sad and used. Why? Why was the store out of Cool Ranch Doritos? Dear God, why? *sobs hysterically.*
Hey doll! Waz up? Don’t call me doll! For your information, I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the doll head on your chest. Nah. These Weird Doll Head Necklaces won’t make you look creepy at all. Too bad none have glowing red eyes and a head that turns 360 degrees, while saying, “momma” all creepy like. Maybe wear all of them and be the crazy doll head lady with a whole family around her neck. That would be some awesome baby bling! No. No it would not. That would be creepy. This has been a fashion PSA.
That’s a cool pair of Purple Slug Earrings. You know what you call a purple slug right? A purple nurple! *Everyone cover your nips as I go on a rampage* Now that I have that out of my very juvenile system… I actually got out the the juvenile system a few years back cuz they couldn’t try me as an adult. I’m a free man now. I was known as the Purple Nurple Burglar. I would break in at night and do the twist, if you know what I mean. Then run. The statute of limitations ran out and the color has returned to all of the boobies that I wronged.
This piece of Raven Head Jewelry is pretty cool. Put this on and you’ll get noticed. It’s called a Kopfschmücke and yeah, I know it sounds dirty as a dollar matinee in the red light district, but apparently that just means “headpiece”. I looked it up. You can never go wrong with a bird skull accented with flowers. Unless you’re a florist I guess.
Why isn’t florist spelled floorist? Cuz that’s how it sounds. I used to think a florist was a janitor, mopping floors all day. Stupid language. Kopfschmucke on it!