Teeth Crayons

Teeth Crayons
You get older you lose your teeth. Or as my grandmother says, “You get older you lose your teef!” But that doesn’t mean you can’t get a new pair that you can color with. I’mma put these teeth crayons in my mouth, grab a coloring book and start biting as I move the page accordingly. If my printer can do it, I can do it. It’s how I eat stuff anyway. I’m like an old typewriter. *Nibble nibble nibble. Ding! Moves food back into position and repeats. Looks at the pile of crumbs at my feet. Tosses empty corn cob.*

Just gotta practice keeping the colors between the lines. *Holds up tattered and torn coloring book page.* Not bad. Too bad everything tastes like Crayola now.

Worry Warts Sculptures

Worry Warts Sculptures
See, this is why I don’t need any stress in my life. Worry Warts. I had no idea these things were real. Now I know. It’s not the questionable women from questionable places that I sleep with giving me those weird bumps. It’s the WORRYING about what they might give me that gives me those bumps. These guys are a dead ringer for the bumps I got after picking up that female mechanic last week. Right down to the 3 hairs on their head.

She was a mechanic?

Yeah, a tranny. Works on transmissions and stuff. Duh!

Dream Creepers Are Plush Nightmares

dream creeper
Jeeper creepers! Where’d ya get those Dream Creepers? From Busymockingbird of course. True to the shop name, they are busy. Busy churning out crazy creatures that are ready to invade your dreams and make them nightmares. They’re kind of like the mullet of the monster world: Creepy business up front with their demonic heads and a cute party in the back with their colorful bodies.

Guess who isn’t sleeping tonight! Did you guess my neighbor? You guessed right. Because I bought one and it’s going to look into his window while he sleeps and wake him up and stuff as he screams and pees his bed. That’ll teach you to take my parking spot! I may whisper the words, “Dreammmmmm Creeperrrrrrr” too.
Read more “Dream Creepers Are Plush Nightmares”

Mannequin Head Wearing Man-Antlers

manequin wearing taxidermy antlers
Check out this awesome set of man antlers that you can wear. Actually it’s a Mannequin Head Wearing Man-Antlers that you can decorate with.

I would pop these babies off that head and glue them to my own dome. Then I would stamp my feet and scratch at the floor with one foot while I snort. After that, it’s me against the wall. Then after that it’s me glued to a pair of man-antlers that are stuck in the wall. On the plus side, the apartment next door has a new coat rack.

This Hamburger Lamp Is Terrifying

scary hamburger lamp
This hamburger lamp is a night light nightmare. Looks like Mayor McCheese turned into a Vampire. The irony is that people should be this scared of Mickey D’s burgers, but they’re not. Let that be a lesson to you. This burger bites back!

This hamburger night light will watch over you as you sleep. Payback for all of those hamburgers you ate in your life. Plus the two you ate today. You know what else is payback for all of those burgers? Endless diarrhea. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that one burger that was on display to show how they never decay. I thought that “2 years” label was how long it was good for, not how long my bowels would fight back.

Designer Jun Takahashi made this lamp in 2002. And like a real McDonald’s burger, it’s still around to haunt us. It will never decay.

via Neatorama