Tag: bizarre

Flask Tie Is The Best Office Accessory Ever

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flask tie
No need to cure that drinking problem. Just hide it really well. Like, in your flask tie. That way you can drink all day long in the office.

Johnson, file these reports! Sure, no problem. Flips the boss off when his back is turned. Takes a drink.

Johnson, I need you to redo those numbers for the big meeting. Okie dokie sir-eokie. Grumbles. Takes drink.

Johnson, great job in the meeting. You seem really relaxed today. A real go-getter. Thanks bloss. I jus do wat ah can, you know. Glug glug glug.

Johnson, in my office. You are being promoted. Awesome newscast Mr. boss. Mr Applesauce. Let’s celebrate. Celebrate. Dance to the music. Takes a drink from the tie, offers it to the boss. Oh ship. I’m sill in da werk envirament ain’t I?

Johnson, go home.

Pee & Poo Plush Dolls Are Best Buds

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pee & poo plush toys
Pee and Poo. They’re a stinky bowl of best buds. Aren’t these Pee & Poo Plush Dolls cute? Hug ’em, squeeze ’em, rub ’em, against each other and see what rubs off. If they are anything like the real thing, you’ll play with the pee several times a day and be lucky to see poo once every other and he’ll make it really difficult for you to let him go.

It’s the only acceptable way to play with pee and poo, so go for it. All of your other toys will be disgusted.
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Zombie Foot Toe Monster

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Zombie Foot Toe Monster
Holy ingrown toenail horn. That is gonna require some tough actin tinactin! This Zombie Foot Toe Monster knows the thrill of victory, but also the agony of de-feet! What the hell is it even doing there in the garden? Demanding a foot rub? If I gave in, I would have to scrub my hands clean with fire afterward. But I’m not. I’m not giving in. Not unless you rub mine first.

*Takes off my sock and a thick green vapor like a stinky cheese genie escapes. The plants instantly wilt and decay. Zombie foot freak scurries away choking* Looks like you have met your match Zombie foot. Sucks though. Was looking forward to a foot rub.
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Creepy And Colorful Toy Sculptures

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Creepy And Colorful Toy Sculptures
Check out these cool toy sculptures by Seymour. They’re all trippy and freaky and scary like. This is like the land of Adventure Time only with more magic mushrooms. Or demonic Garbage Pail Kids from another dimension.

I like that hamburger dude wearing his brains on his crotch area. I can relate. I’m told that I think with my crotch all the time. I should probably send my crotch to college and better it. Get it a degree. Maybe Ivy league. Nah, Ivy would make my crotch itch. Anyway, I’m calling this guy “Purple Nerd Burger”. Check out some even trippier sculptures below. I gotta go. I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in.yeah. yeah. oh yeahhhhh!
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Art Painted By A Squirrel

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art painted by a squirrel
This is a supposed painting by a squirrel name Winklehimer. You can check out a video here, but you won’t see it paint a picture. You’ll just see a squirrel nibble on the end of a brush while it’s desperate human tries to cash in on the fact that it can “paint”. I hate to prolong her 15 minutes of fame, but credit where credit is due: It’s better than I can do.

My wife gets me to paint in the same way. She puts a twinkie on the end of the brush and holds a paper up to the brush end while I nibble away. No way I’m letting her profit off my art though. That’s why all my art says, “Get more twinkies!” in bold brushstrokes.

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach…A squirrel to not do art.
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