Tag: bizarre

Bullet Bouquets: In Boom Right Now

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bullet bouquet
Bullet Bouquets. They boom when they bloom. But enough of that gloom and doom. Artist Anthony Zambai and wife create these Bullet Bouquets. Bang bang, bloom bloom. Flower power. Each bouquet is made of authentic, spent hollow point bullets. They are sold as tiny pots of 3 to 12 “buds”. Hey bud. Boom.

They make great gifts. Nothing says I love you like spent ammunition that you “spent” your money on. These bullets could have been used to kill a living thing, but instead, I present them to you as flowers. Please love me. I’m so alone and my impending mortality scares me.

Ant Watch: Half Past Drone O’Clock And Quarter To The Queen

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

ant watch

The Ant Watch lets you tell the time with real living ants. No, not really. It’s just an April Fools joke. But that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t wear it. It’s the first watch that literally lets you kill some time. With Raid!

What time is it?

Ants.

Now?

Ants.

*5 hours later* What about now?

Dead ants. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant. Time to play the Pink Panther. I’ll be Cato, you be Inspector Clouseau. *Karate chop to your neck! Lunges at you with the curtain rod and falls out the opposite window.*

The Bra Pouch: Shake Your Money Maker

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

bra purse
Etsy seller JamesKelleysShop offers some unique coin purses that are made out of women’s bras. These over the shoulder boulder holders will hold coins, make up, your ID, everything but baby milky snacks. James is clearly a bro that loves bras. As are we all. Looking for something a little bigger to hold your tablet? Tough titty.

Don’t be a boob, carry your most important accessories the same way women carry theirs.

Pro tip: Can be used as an awesome and effective slingshot when needed. Put a rock in it and hit some dude on the head so he grows a nipple on his scalp. No, don’t do that bra. I mean bro!

Clock Hands Wall Clock

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clock hands
Are numbers too much for you? If you can’t figure out how to read a clock by using the hands and numbers, this Clock Hands Wall Clock takes it down to basics for you, showing just the hands. It’s like this one, but not quite.

I don’t need no stinkin’ numbers on my fancy timepiece. I tell time like every other American. By what’s on TV. Which also tells you the day. For instance if Better Call Saul is on, I know it’s Monday night at 10. Thing is, I don’t do well when people are watching DVDs all damn day. I’m trying to figure out the day and time people! What day is it? What year am I in? *Cries*

Harry Potter Monster Book Of Monsters Replica

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

harry potter monster book
When you read at a third grade level as I do, even the Harry Potter books are monster books. I got to about the third paragraph then took off the dust jacket and put it around my iPad so I could read the movie instead. Much easier. Until my ADD kicked in and then I had to play the Harry Potter video game, which didn’t last long because, hey a cat that needs petting!

Long story short, I have no idea what this Harry Potter Monster Book Of Monsters Replica is all about. I think it rewards reading by biting your face off or something. You see why I avoid books and words and stuff? The only reason I can type halfway coherently for you guys is because I have the mailman proofread and edit. I just grab him everyday when he hits my mailbox. In return I complete his route for him twice a week. If you can call delivering mail to the dumpster behind the convenience store completing a route. Hey, it is junk mail. Duh! And I have no idea where those Netflix DVDs went, but those shiny coasters all over the house have nothing to do with it.