Tag: candy

Needle Felted Zombie Valentine’s Day Candy

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felted valentines candy
This Valentine’s Day give the gift of Needle Felted Zombie Candy. I hear they are delicious, but give you a serious case of cotton mouth. Plus, no calories!

So basically this is the perfect gift if your wife is getting a little thick around her dump trunk. Whoa! We were all thinking it. I’m just saying it’s the perfect gift. And since these little zombie treats are felt, your diet is safe. It’s a gift that says “I love you, but there is enough of you right now and it is making the couch bow.”
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Anatomically Correct Chocolate Skulls

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chocolate skullTell them you love them(in a creepy way) by giving them the gift of chocolate shaped like a real human skull. These skulls are nicely detailed and super delicious. Alas poor Yorik. I knew him, Horatio. A fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. Of quality mouth-watering chocolate. *bows*

Thank you. Thank you. I will be performing Hamlet on stage with this chocolate skull all evening, all chocolate faced like a 5 year old, until I pass out from a sugar high.
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Edible Candy Bra Is Sadly Not Packing Reese’s Cups

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Edible Candy BraA candy necklace that is not a necklace at all, but a bra that women can wear on their boobies? Never got offered one of those on Halloween. I guess this edible boulder holder is all about the foreplay. Well, I may be old fashioned, but I don’t think that foreplay should give you cavities. So just take that off right now and let me nibble for about ten minutes, then we can get down to business.

Ten minutes later:

Damn that was good. Sorry babe, can’t do the deed. Too much sugar. Sleepy time now. Sugar coma. Great choice in lingerie. You should buy another one. Nighty night. *mumbles…snores…drools*

One minute later:

*Jolts awake* Why are you hitting me? OW that hurts. OW quit it! What the hell are you whipping me with?

I did buy another you son of a b***h and now we’re gonna use it. ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Your new name is Candy Man. On your knees and sing the song! DO IT!

*crying/singing* Who can make the sun rise?…..
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Nerds Candy Tunic Tank Dress With Nerd Glasses

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nerdsDamn. These Nerds look good. Show your love of Nerds candy by wearing a nerdy dress that hugs you in all the right places. I’m partial to Blue Raspberry myself. These girls seem like my kind of nerds. Maybe we can get together and have a nerd party. Love your packaging girl. Are you as sweet on the inside as you are on the outside? I’d love to pop your top and shake your sugary bits into my mouth.

*slap*

Hey, you dress up like Little Red Riding Hood, you are going to attract a Big Bad Wolf. Or in this case, dress like a nerd, attract a nerd.

Hit It Until Candy Comes Out: Zombie Pinata

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zombie pinataWhat the hell is that? It’s a friggin’ zombie. Run! No way, I’m gonna smash it’s brains in. *thud* *whack* *crack* Hey, what’s that? Those brains are delicious candy. Holy Jesus on a Jetski! There’s a whole horde of them coming. I don’t know about you, but I’m about to go Trick or Treating all up in this freak show. Let’s hope some of them have some Reeses cups stuck in their neck melon!
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