Tag: custom

Real Granny Panties: Golden Girls Underwear

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For Real Granny Panties Golden Girls Underwear
This 4 pack of Golden Girls underwear from Etsy shop BulletandBees will keep your crotch covered in old ladies for 4 out of the 5 business days of the week. I guess we need a fifth granny to round out the week. I vote for my granny. She’s always up in people’s business. Plus, she’s crotchety. Which means she’s grumpy, not that she likes to knit. Also, my granddaddy always used to say, “Get off my crotch woman!”

So yeah, I vote grandma. I hope she wins the panty election of 2015 and I get full credit as her campaign manager. She’s for the people and won’t leave ya crotch-less. Hope and change is her slogan. Not that that worked out so well last time. She HOPES that you will CHANGE your undies on a regular basis. What if you got into a car accident, for God’s sake?

Thanks Jeremy. I know you got yourself a 4 pack.

Life Size Zombie Head Purse

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Life Size Zombie Head Handbag
This Life Size Zombie Head Purse is pre-shot for your enjoyment. It’s the perfect place to hold all of your post-apocalyptic necessities. Like guns, knives and first-aid kits. Plus, whenever you get accosted by a zombie you can just hold this head up and let ’em know you mean business. You wanna be next? Huh? How ’bout I install a zipper in that rotting melon you call a head and pack my makeup inside! You like that?

Speaking of makeup, that purse could use some eye cream. Check out all those bags under his eyes. I haven’t seen so many old and wrinkly bags since the 1986 Golden Girls convention, but when you’re a super fan like me ya just gotta deal. Look at the bloodshot eyes on this thing too. And the hole in the head. Maybe keep your lipstick in that hole for easy access.

Custom Notebook Panties

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Custom Notebook Panties
These Custom Notebook Panties can be customized with any message you want. They make your lower area look like notebook paper.

I got a pair of these for myself recently, so I can write the great american novel and display it on my backside. Only tweet sized. Problem is I have writers block so I had to order several pairs.

It was a dark and stormy night… Ugh! Crumbles panties up and throws them in the trash can. Then remembers they are panties and retrieves them to throw in the hamper. Loads up another pair in my old-timey typewriter.*

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Scary Skull Pens

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Scary Skull Pens
They say that the pen is mightier than the sword. Which is probably why you see so many swashbucklers armed with ball-point pens. Not! Stupid English sayings. I’ll totally destroy a pen with a sword. I can’t show you right now cuz I’m only allowed to use Nerf swords in the house.

You know what pen might be scarier than a sword? These Scary Skull Pens. They have Skulls on top with red eyes. Pretty cool. Does anyone even know how to use these things anymore? Or have we all de-evolved back to monkeys? Well, if you do know how to use one of these things still, these pens are refillable. I’d fill it with calcium obviously, so my pen continues to have strong bones.

Piddle Pail: It’s a Lunch Box You Pee In

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Piddle Pail: It's a Lunch Box You Pee In
Piddle Pail. It’s exactly what it sounds like. A lunch box that you pee in. Cuz why not? I get that you have to pee and sometimes the rest room is not available. But making the container out of a lunch box? That’s either genius or some insane asylum inspiration right there.

Just pee in the hose and add to your collection. I hope dad grabbed the right lunch box this morning. Uh-Oh!