Tag: dark

Insane Asylum Candleholder

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Insane Asylum Candleholder

This Insane Asylum Candleholder is insane! Insane in the membrane! Completely loco. Off the rails. Not playing with a full deck. Not firing on all cylinders. Stark raving mad. I only know all of these phrases cuz people say them to me all of the time.

This candleholder reminds me of that time I went to the Canadian border and shouted, “I seek political asylum!” Ten hours later as I’m being dragged by my arms through a mental ward, I’m all like, “No, I said political! Political asylum. Not insane, Political!”

Palmistry Lampshade

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Palmistry Lampshade
Check out this cool Palmistry Lampshade. If I was a Palmist I would be all like, “Talk to the hand cuz the face don’t understand.” And I would have palm trees all over my reading room. No, not those palm trees. Palm trees that have human palms on every branch. And I would take Palm Sunday off, just cuz that’s what a Palmist does. And I’ll put Palmolive on the table and say, “You’re soaking in it!” And I would be able to tell from your palm who killed Laura Palmer. How many palm jokes can one man right? I don’t know, but I’m on fire like Napalm!

Actually, I’m tuckered out now. Not gonna palm it off on someone else. Just gonna stop. Not even a hairy palm joke. But I will say that I have no qualms about hairy palms.

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

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Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants
Etsy seller floridxfauna is crazy about skulls. They are also coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs and likely have Pac-Man fever, but that’s beside the point. Check out these Skull Crystal Pendants. They make me feel like an archaeologist, except I didn’t have to dig all day to find one, only to discover that the damn thing has magic occult powers that the Nazis want. I hate Nazis!

Fun fact: You know how kids get words wrong? Yeah, I was the kid who shook my dice cup and screamed, “Nazi!” For some reason that was the last game of Yahtzee ever played in my house.

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue
This Vampire Demon Tombstone Statue is exactly what you need if you have a vampire/demon to bury. It has a crazy gargoyle/demon on top just so there’s no doubt that this is a Vampire’s grave. To bad you can’t customize the gravestone.

Here lies Dracula.
Killed by a stake on the end of a spatula.
His life was spectacular.

Here lies a filthy demon
He died while screamin’
The cross against his chest was steamin’