Tag: drink

Drinks With Death Halloween Fascinator

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Drinks With Death
This Drinks With Death Halloween Fascinator doesn’t scare me. I’ll drink death under the table. ANOTHER! *Slams shot glass down on the table. Wipes my lips with my arm. Stares intently at death. Then passes out and hits the table after the first drink.*

This fun Halloween Fascinator (That’s a fancy word for putting absurd things on your head.) has a drunken skeleton clutching a cherry-topped cocktail and a light-up brain. Which describes the end of my work day pretty well actually. He’s even laying in the same position, except I’m clutching my computer, not a brain. There are also two eyeballs.
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Creepy And Cool Creature Cups

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Creepy And Cool Creature Cups
These creature cups are pretty neat. They have better surprises on the bottom than my cups. Of course I don’t do dishes, so I tend to grow bacteria samples that turn into little wavy tentacles. It makes your tea taste extra biological and when you take that last sip, that tentacle high fives your tongue and gives ya a little kiss with one of it’s suckers.

These come in all kinds of versions, sharks, octopus, spiders and more. They aren’t as cool as the ones I grow, but hey, they won’t leave weird STDs on your tongue.
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Radioactive Waste Drinking Glasses

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radioactive waste drinking
If you don’t like the idea of drinking out of a human mouth, try these Radioactive Waste Drinking Glasses. I’ll have a Three-Mile Island! No, make that a Manhattan Project. Just give me a Chernobyl on the rocks.

I make my own radioactive glasses. It’s called not washing it for several years and then putting it in an industrial strength microwave for like an hour so that thick layer of bacteria glows. It’s a glass and a night light. The nose bleeds should stop eventually and now that the last tooth is gone, I’m spending my dentist money on cool stuff like video games, so I feel like it’s all good.

Now if I could just stop Hulking out when I’m angry, life would be sweet.

Pick Your Nose Paper Cups

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nose drinking cup
So basically these Pick Your Nose Paper Cups let you wear someone else’s nose while drinking your favorite beverage. They are very on the nose. I have to admit to being a little bummed out. You can choose from all those noses and there’s no Tucan Sam? What the hell man. I’m not seeing any weird Owen Wilson noses either. Man, that guy. I can’t watch any of his movies without wanting to pop that snozzer back in place with a nightstick. I kid, I kid. Though the dude is super annoying. Just pick your nose, which you probably do anyway and drink up. No need to be snooty about it or nosy. Keep your nose out of my business and into this cup.

Anyway, the nose knows. Knows what? Hell if I know. These paper cups are going to make drunken mate selection very confusing at parties. I thought she had a mustache when I picked her up, but she looked clean shaven in the morning. Oh well. I hope she cleaned my razor after. Also check out the runny nose gel dispenser. If you have some sort of weird nose fetish, you will enjoy having both in your home.
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Name Your Poison Whiskey Glasses

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poison glasses
These Name Your Poison Whiskey Glasses are pretty cool, but they forgot marriage. And taxes. I kid, I kid. I married my wife for tax purposes so it’s all good. She got me this set for Christmas last year and I’ve been drinking out of the arsenic one ever since. Also not feeling very well and constantly pooping myself as she laughs.

You can’t even poison me right you cow!

Shut up you fat old idiot! I’m pouring you a double right f***ing now!

Oh, I’m drinking! I’ll take two!

*dodges flying glass*

I’ll see you in hell old man! I’ll be the bartender!