Tag: etsy

Glittery Bunny Pregnancy Test

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pregnancy test bunny
Congratulations. You are pregnant. Have this glittery rabbit pregnancy test. You’ll never have a free moment again. Your time will be spent cleaning poop from another smaller human’s butt-cheeks, wiping up drool, stepping on LEGO pieces as you curse the god of reproduction and you generally smell like pee.

Laugh at nerds like me all you want, but since a woman won’t touch me, I don’t have to worry about this stuff and can just play video games while my mom makes me lunch and cleans up around here.

Killer Zombie Bunny Eating Torn Underwear Sculpture

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Killer Zombie Bunny Eating Torn Underwear SculptureThey don’t call it Fruit Of The Loom for nothing! Zombie bunnies love our cotton butt-baskets and that’s why their favorite method of attack is a running jump at our crack! Which usually ends with us down on the grass with a bloody chunk torn out of our rump and our underwear in it’s rotten zombie mouth as it chews and chews.

Etsy seller amysdeliciousvintage has commemorated zombie bunny attacks with this fine sculpture. I call it “Attack of the killer butt-muncher!”
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Condom Wrapper Pillows With Giant Condoms Inside

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condom pillowYou should always practice safe sleep. That’s why I use these condom pillows. Sometimes I break out the giant fabric condom inside of the pillow and slip inside for added protection. But sometimes I wake up all limp and sweaty only to find that it is sliding off me. Sleep like a baby? Nah, I sleep like a peen.

Find it on Etsy. Vibra-ribbed and lubricated.
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Be a Hellraiser: Adopt This Pinhead Jr Doll

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pinheadIt’s baby Hellraiser! If you want a problem child, here ya go. You’ll have more problems than you know what to do with. He probably likes to twist the heads off of stuffed animals and raise hell in general, hence his name. He doesn’t like balloons near his head for obvious reasons. If you happen to sew, he doubles as a really cranky pin-cushion too. Looks look he even comes with his own bottle of hell-brewed liquor.
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Trick Your Cat With The Cat Lap

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cat lapI look so damn good in my new pants. So nice and clean. Man, check out my sweet man-butt. I’ll just sit down and relax for a minute. Kitty, no! No, kitty! That’s a bad kitty. Now I look like Chewbacca.

Yep. I’ve been there and you’ve been there. Cats just don’t give a f***. They are the creatures that invented the lap dance. They don’t even ask for cash or get some guy to hit you when you touch them. But they do leave hair all over your clothes.

That’s why I’m using one of these decoy cat laps with the crazy mom jeans. Let my cat get all up in that lap and leave it’s atomic hairballs behind. The lap is the only part of you they want anyway.
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