What’s funnier than farts? Nothing right? Wrong! Animal farts beat regular farts when it comes to hilarity. Combine that with your crayolas and you have a winning combination. The Farting Animals Coloring Book let’s you color in images of farting animals. Man, I can’t wait to make that horse’s fart look like an atomic mushroom cloud. I’m gonna color the whole book in and then give the images to friends as birthday gifts. Cuz I’m weird like that.
Tag: funny
Miami Politician Says Aliens Gave Her A Spaceship Ride
A congressional candidate from Miami, Bettina Rodriguez Aguilera, says she’s been aboard a spaceship crewed by aliens.
Three blond, big-bodied beings (Probably big-bootied too.) — two females, one male — visited her when she was 7 years old and have been communicating telepathically with her several times since. She is running for Congress currently. Probably because the aliens told her too. They like filling our government with their own people so they can further the alien agenda. Here are some of the things the aliens told her:
▪ There are 30,000 skulls — “different from humans” — in a cave in the Mediterranean island of Malta.
Good to know.
▪ The world’s “energy center” is in Africa.
Cool. We should totally tap that. I’d tap that real good.
▪ The Coral Castle, a limestone tourist attraction South Miami-Dade, is actually an ancient Egyptian pyramid.
Except it can’t be, because it’s in South Miami.
▪ “God is a universal energy.”
Cool. And religion is a universal remote.
via Miami Herald
The Moon Ring
Honey, I love you so much. I always said that I would give you the moon and stars. Well, here is your moon, my precious angel. *Hands over the closed box containing the Moon Ring.* Oh honey, you are the most thoughtful man. I am so lucky to have you- *Opens box as a miniature butt farts on her.* You’re sleeping on the couch tonight! And every night!
Skeletons On The Toilet Figurines
This skeleton looks mad as hell. Like he’s having trouble dropping his payload. So he decided to check out the internet on an old ass big laptop. Yep, Skeletons On The Toilet Figurines are a thing. I need this for my shelf. It’s a reminder to have more fiber in your diet if nothing else, whether you’re a skeleton or not. I think he needs the Squatty Potty.
Helicopter Checks Out UFO Over Los Angeles
In other news, this UFO was recently spotted over LA, looking like a giant Disco ball. Some helicopters came and circled it for awhile too. The disco ball telepathically sent this message “We come to see your Bee-Gees. Your platform shoes. And the funk!” Sadly, no Bee-Gees were present, so the army wrangled up Justin Beiber. The best they could do on short notice. “This is the best we can offer you in this era!” a scientist shouted into a megaphone, while Beiber began to sing. Witnesses say that they heard the telepathic drone of a thousand beings committing mass suicide before the Disco ball faded into nothingness.
The invasion will begin shortly.
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