Tag: gift

Shrek Pooping Toothpaste Topper – Holy Shrek

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Shrek Pooping Toothpaste Topper - Holy Shrek
This Shrek pooping toothpaste topper will make your dreams come true. If you’ve ever wanted to watch Shrek take a dump anyway. That’s probably more of us than are willing to admit it. Come on, there’s nothing like taking a good Shrek. And that’s no Bull-Shrek. Now you and your kids can enjoy the big green guy as he squeezes some soft serve from his sensitive cheeks. Right onto your toothbrush. It looks like the big green guy has been drinking a lot of milk. Or something white. That can’t be good. If that happens you see a doctor. You see parents, this is how you get your kids to brush their teeth. It’s gross and fun. That’s a combination that kids love. They will be making fart sounds as it comes out. Haha. Look mom, he just sh*t himself. That’s cool son. Now get that gooey butt paste into your mouth and brush ’em. I bought your dentist a new Porsche last month and now he’s eyeing up a boat. So Shrek better be pooping 3 times a day.

That’s a good goal for all of us honestly. It reminds me of this crazy goblin made from assorted junk.

Little Poopers – Butt Nuggets Never Looked So Cute

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Little Poopers - Butt Nuggets Never Looked So Cute
Check out Little Poopers. Someone’s raising a stink. Who took a dump in here? And, what the deuce? Why is it….cute? A cute turd? Is that a curd? Who left it? Unicorns? Fairies? Hello Kitty riding on a unicorn with a fairy after eating too much roughage? No matter how adorable these poops may seem, they’re still stinkers. Trust me, they will draw flies. Big or small, cute or ugly, all poop stinks. But they think they’re the sh*t!. Does it make it better or worse that these turds can stare back at you? Talk about awkward eye contact. No matter where you leave one of these little poopers figurines, it will be sure to start a conversation! Or raise a stink. Much like ZooPoo.

Oh Hello Kitty OMFG!

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Oh Hello Kitty OMFG!
Oh Hello Kitty OMFG! This horrific kitty of nightmares is everyone’s favorite kitty, but all funked up! She’s cute, she’s cuddly, she’s… Carnivorous?She’s my murderer! Oh, holy crap! Hello Kitty has a new addition to her adorable face. Pink perky bow, adorable pointy ears, sweet little whiskers….What’s this? Those are monster tentacles! And an open mouth of death with crooked human teeth! Plus, strings of sticky, slimy drool! This horrific kitty beast needs some dental work, pronto. And, maybe a bib while we are at it. Is that drool? Damn girl, get a napkin at least. Control yourself, Hello Kitty! How do you feel about tentacles? She says that they are all the better to squeeze you with. Hello Kitty’s got three! Don’t get too close! I hear she does body cavity searches at with those things. Probably works at an airport.

At least I don’t see any claws on Hello Kitty like these rhinestone claw nail rings. That mouth is dangerous enough and I bet her whiskers are razor sharp. One thing is for sure, I will never look at this character the same way again. I also really hope that she doesn’t look at me. Ever. Just please don’t even notice me.

Cootie Collection Enamel Pins

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Cootie Collection Enamel Pins
Cooties are bad. Ewww! Girls have them, which is why I don’t touch girls. Why they don’t touch me is another story. You won’t want to keep these Cootie Collection Enamel Pins away! These gals are pretty cute actually. Creepy and cute. Just how I like my gals. Big eyes. Colorful skin. And, they are all monsters. I used to avoid cooties. Yuck! Now I say GIVE ME THOSE COOTIES! Pin them to your shirt, bag, jacket, or anywhere. It’s a whole collection! Change them out and wear your favorites, or use them all at once. It’s your call. You decide. Cootie Cuties that’s what I call ’em.

If you want something a bit darker than the Cootie Collection, check out this Vampire Bat Pin. Cuz some days you feel like accessorizing with little demon girls and other times you want something more traditionally Gothic. Do you have a Cootie Collection? I mean I have some that I keep in a jar whenever one jumps off of a girl onto me, but I haven’t added to it for a while. I just don’t get that close to girls. Cuz I’m too cool and they can’t handle it. Hey, sucks to be them.

Cyclops Fashion Barbie – Hey My Eye Is Up Here

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Cyclops Fashion Barbie - Hey My Eye Is Up Here

Meet Cyclops Fashion Barbie. Time for a makeover, Barbie! What’s that? You want bigger eyes? Turn up ALL the filters, because you’re about to get your wish. Why have two small eyes, when you could have… One. Bigass. Eyeball? All-seeing? What is there for Barbie to see, anyway? Ken’s gone, the dream house has burned, and all she’s got is her looks. Keep looking, Barbie. Maybe you’ll find another plastic sucker like Ken to gold-dig! All you ever do is take take take! I’m done. You never ask me about MY day. *sobs*.

I don’t have issues, you have issues.

Keep your eye on this one, folks. She’s got her eye on you. Dress her up. Take her out. Or keep her in the corner looking creepy. Cyclops Fashion Barbie, includes terrifying, yet stylish accessories, batteries sold separately. Because, trust me, you don’t want this one coming to life. Just like these other creepy dolls.