Tag: halloween

Tentacles and Teeth Pocket Watch

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Tentacles and Teeth Pocket Watch
Let me see what time it is. I don’t want to be late for- DEAR EFFING GOD! This Tentacles and Teeth Pocket Watch won’t give you the time, but it might give you a heart attack. What time is it guv-ner? You dare ask me for the time you timeless cretin? Here let me show you. *Guy screams and holds his head.* There’s the time! It’s teeth and tentacle time! Look closer! It’s half past horror and a quarter to insanity! Now off with you, before I show you the alarm function!

If this watch takes a licking,but keepson ticking, it can die,cuz I ain’t lickin’ that.

Horrorgami Paranormal Activity Book

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Horrorgami Paranormal Activity Book
This Horrorgami Paranormal Activity Book lets you make horror origami. So go ahead and cut and fold your own horrifying paper dioramas. It includes twenty terrifying scenes from classic horror films and books with step-by-step instructions and photos. This book is proof that paper can be terrifying. So are papercuts. I pass out at the sight of blood. So when I’m done with this book, it’s gonna look extra terrifying and I’m gonna be very well rested, with my head on every page.
Read more “Horrorgami Paranormal Activity Book”

Zombie Friendship Keychains – Apocalypse Partners

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Zombie Friendship Necklace - Apocalypse Partners
Freddy Mercury said it best. Friends will be friends… Kind of obvious in retrospect, but there you have it. Friends are friends. Right till the end. Sometimes that end is a zombie apocalypse, with you shooting your friend in the head because your BFF is a dirty rotten zombie. That’s the way it goes. Doesn’t mean you aren’t friends. Just means you don’t want them eating your brain. Anyway, this Zombie Friendship Keychains set signifies that you and your BFF are zombie apocalypse partners and that you vow to do whatever it takes when the zombies roam the streets. Even if that thing is splitting up and running when you see the undead.

Even though it means that you will never find each other again, while you live a harsh life of survival, doing whatever you have to to get by, so that 5 years later your shaggy bearded self checks the zombie traps you set (the ones where they step on a trigger and a blade swings down, chopping their heads off) only to find a headless zombie body and the other half of your keychain in its pocket.

*Tears* So sad. Still friends. But so sad.

Danse Macabre Pillow Set

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Danse Macabre Pillow Set
Haha they spelled dance wrong. Sucker. This Danse Macabre Pillow Set is pretty cool. My only question is, is it pronounced mac-cob or mac-cob-bre? Nevermind, I don’t care. I say mac-cob. Like corn on the mac-cob. Or a mac-cob salad. Or Chupa-mac-cob-ra, the mythical goat sucker! I’m right and that’s all that matters. Anyway, this pillow set is great. Won’t give me nightmares at all to know that this death dance is happening right behind my head. Even though there’s a skeleton band playing loud music.

Anyhow, I gotta go. Time to dance macabre! *Turns on some funky disco and does the funky chicken dance on my way out the door, clucking and flexing my wings.* OW! Hit my elbow on the doorknob! OW! OW! OW! Hit my elbow on the wall. Also tripped over my shoes and now I need an ambulance. It really is the dance of death.
Read more “Danse Macabre Pillow Set”

Free Hugs – Skeleton Hands and Arms Necklace

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skeleton Hands and Arms Necklace
There’s nothing like the cold dead embrace of skeleton arms around your neck. Except when your grave robbing and fall in and the skeleton hugs you like crazy while you’re just screaming and freaking out, but enough about my weekend. This Skeleton Hands and Arms Necklace is like a bony hug all day long from a skeleton that loves you. There’s no guarantee that those bony hands won’t touch your boob and cop a feel now and then, but that’s the chance you take. Just smack its hand and it will behave. Maybe.
Read more “Free Hugs – Skeleton Hands and Arms Necklace”