Tag: halloween

Sasquatch Scary Peeper

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Sasquatch Scary Peeper
This Sasquatch Scary Peeper will give your friends and family a Bigfoot sighting. Also, possibly a heart attack.

The Squatch is at your window creepin’,
The Squatch is at your window peepin’,
The Squatch is peeping at your door,
The Squatch is pooping on your porch floor.

And he ain’t cleaning it up either, cuz Bigfoot don’t carry bags with them to clean up their doo-doo. It’s up to you and me. I just wish he wouldn’t eat so much. It’s all huge and steaming. TMI I know. You can’t catch him. You can’t prove he exists. You just gotta clean up after him.

Gothic Spider Web Halloween Wedding Invitations

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Gothic Spider Web Halloween Wedding Invitations
Having a wedding on All Hallows eve? These Gothic Spider Web Halloween Wedding Invitations will help. Say, why did the spider not send out any wedding invitations. Because she was a black widow. And they eat the male after sex.I think. Did I get that right? Anyway, that was a terrible joke.

I’m gonna get married on Halloween too, once a woman will have me. That way we can go trick or treating in our Wedding clothes. Do you have any idea how much candy a wedding dress will hold? Of course it has to come off of the bride first. Then they will complain for years how all of those Snickers bars and Kit Kats ruined her precious wedding dress. Waaa waaa waaa. Shouldn’t have been wearing white anyway, if you know what I mean.
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Skull Baking Pan

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Skull Baking Pan
*Stoner voice* Dude, my skull is totally baked! This Skull Baking Pan must be from Deady Crocker. I think I saw this on the food network. No, wait. It was the F-ewwd Network. I’m gonna decorate mine for the Day of the Dead. Might give him a gold grill too, cuz he has to look as badass as he tastes. I hope I don’t drop it and give my confectionary a concussion.
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The Beauty of Horror: A GOREgeous Coloring Book

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the beauty of horror a goregeous coloring book
The Beauty of Horror: A GOREgeous Coloring Book. Hmmmmm. Something tells me I’m going to need more red crayons. Just a guess. This adult coloring book looks pretty darn scary. I’m not sure if I can color this in without my mom nearby. No, not because I’m scared, but because I still live in her basement.

Kinda sucks, but it is pretty sweet to be able to hit the ceiling with a broom handle and demand she make me a sandwich. Then she yells her own demand, which is for me to get the f*** out of her house. That was a big mistake cuz I don’t negotiate with terrorists. Meaning, I’ll leave when I’m good and ready. Oh, when I get enough sandwiches, I’ll get out and not before. Now where’s my sandwich? Where’s a man that I can call my son? Oh, it’s on now mother! I hope you enjoy caring for a man-child well into your 70s! Because that’s what you’re getting!
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The Webcaster Gun Makes Realistic Halloween Cobwebs

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The Webcaster Gun Makes Realistic Halloween Cobwebs
The Webcaster lets you spin realistic spiderwebs like Spider-Man himself. They look so realistic, you will swear you have a Black Widow infestation. It’s basically an awesome glue gun that makes cobwebs. Now I have to get one. Cuz I want my basement to look all creepy for Halloween, and the spiders just aren’t doing it fast enough. The “glue sticks” come in several different colors. Hope I don’t web myself in a corner. Fingers crossed.
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