Tag: halloween

Spiderweb Mandala Vest

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Spiderweb Mandala Vest
This is the pattern for a Spiderweb Mandala Vest. I’m no seamstress, but I think all you have to do is show a spider the pattern and he will get to work spinning yarn out of his butt-sack and make this for you. Then all you have to do is wear this things and twirl around like Stevie Nicks, Queen of the arachnids. Maybe twirl around outside and catch some flies in this thing. Put them in a cocoon and save them for a snack. Great, now I got Stevie Nicks songs in my head.

Anyway, flaunt your spider-lovin’ style all you want. Maybe become the new Spider-Woman.
Read more “Spiderweb Mandala Vest”

Victorian Gothic Skeleton Necklaces

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Victorian Gothic Skeleton Necklaces
Goth yourself up fool! With these Victorian Gothic Skeleton Necklaces. Steampunk and Gothic. Those are two words that I love to hear together. These necklaces are cool. You got your gentlemen eyeball, your egg-headed freak and a bunch of fancy schmancy Victorian skeletons all dressed up. This will spice up your wardrobe my skeleton loving brothers from another mother. I didn’t forget about you my seesters from another keester. Wear these necklaces with pride.
Read more “Victorian Gothic Skeleton Necklaces”

Palmistry Lampshade

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Palmistry Lampshade
Check out this cool Palmistry Lampshade. If I was a Palmist I would be all like, “Talk to the hand cuz the face don’t understand.” And I would have palm trees all over my reading room. No, not those palm trees. Palm trees that have human palms on every branch. And I would take Palm Sunday off, just cuz that’s what a Palmist does. And I’ll put Palmolive on the table and say, “You’re soaking in it!” And I would be able to tell from your palm who killed Laura Palmer. How many palm jokes can one man right? I don’t know, but I’m on fire like Napalm!

Actually, I’m tuckered out now. Not gonna palm it off on someone else. Just gonna stop. Not even a hairy palm joke. But I will say that I have no qualms about hairy palms.

Skull Planchette – A Skull For Your Spirit Board

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

Skull Planchette - A Skull For Your Spirit Board
Skull Planchette. It sounds like the name of a retired goth stripper. It’s not. It’s one of them fancy things you move around a Ouija Board while you are asking questions. Stuff like: Is there gonna be a sale on underwear at Target? Should I really pop that huge butt-zit or just let it get bigger? Cuz it hurts like hell.

This thing looks like it is screaming the whole time it glides around the board, highlighting letters. Like it wants you to put it out of it’s misery. Kinda like my marriage. No wonder I like it. I can relate to perpetual torment.