Tag: halloween

Costume Bat Wings

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Costume Bat Wings
Hey, get behind me and hold my hips for a sec while I put these Costume Bat Wings on. *Cue the music* “I’m flying, Jack! I’m flying!” Like poison ivy. Wait, she doesn’t fly.

Everybody is always like, “Grow a pair!” or “Why don’t you man up and grow a pair?” Man, I wish I could. If I could grow a pair, I would grow a pair of bat wings like these and then I would flap them together so fast and lift up and do ballerina moves so gracefully. All I’ve ever wanted was to do the bat-ballet.

Yo! That right there is why you need to grow a pair. Ya sissy!

*Startled out of my ballet as I twirl with my arms against my chest! Begins to sob. Lip quivers. Then I pull myself together.* Fair enough!
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Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

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Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants
Etsy seller floridxfauna is crazy about skulls. They are also coo-coo for Cocoa Puffs and likely have Pac-Man fever, but that’s beside the point. Check out these Skull Crystal Pendants. They make me feel like an archaeologist, except I didn’t have to dig all day to find one, only to discover that the damn thing has magic occult powers that the Nazis want. I hate Nazis!

Fun fact: You know how kids get words wrong? Yeah, I was the kid who shook my dice cup and screamed, “Nazi!” For some reason that was the last game of Yahtzee ever played in my house.

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Weird and Wild Skull Crystal Pendants

Skull Bath Bomb with Hidden Brain Soap Inside

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Skull Bath Bomb with Hidden Brain Soap Inside
This Skull Bath Bomb with Hidden Brain Soap Inside makes for a real relaxing bath. Unless I’m in the house with you. In which case, I’ll be busting in the bathroom yelling, “Bombs away!” as I toss a couple in your water, splashing it everywhere.

They’re bombs! What did you expect? Bath bombs! Meaning bombs for your bath! They don’t work unless somebody is tossing them like a grenade. By the way, these grenades have a brain inside, so you will be left bathing in brains. Were as I bathe with beauty. That’s why we’re such a good couple.

Victorian Cemetery Necklace with Tombstones

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Victorian Cemetery Necklace with Tombstones
Now you can wear the dead around your neck with this Victorian Cemetery Necklace with Tombstones. RIP man. RIP. That means Rotting In Progress right? That’s what I always thought it meant. Seems legit. This necklace has a pretty creepy cemetery scene with some gravestones and a spooky old tree.

Did I ever tell you about my house that I bought for a dollar because it was in a graveyard? No? Turns out it’s called a mausoleum and I wasn’t supposed to be there. I thought that realtor looked like a bum! That’s okay. I totally flipped that property and sold it for $10 to another bum. WINNING!

Spike The Nail Head

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Spike The Nail Head
Meet Spike The Nail Head. A fun sculpture that you can decorate your house with. You know what his dad said when he was born? “Nailed it!” Boy did he ever. He’s cousins with Pinhead, but they had a falling out. You should see their other cousin, Staplehead. They all claim they are Hellraisers, but the only thing they’ve raised is a bunch of heck and kids with various objects in their heads.