Tag: halloween

The Elderizer Electric Air Freshener

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The Elderizer Electric Air Freshener
Let an Elder Thing keep your area smelling fresh and fragrant. I know, that sounded bad. I didn’t mean “your area”. I mean the room that you are in. Silly guttersnipes. This The Elderizer Electric Air Freshener is the way to go. It brings the horror and the fresh scents. That’s a combo you don’t see every day.

It is based on an Elder Thing, as described in the Necronomicon of Abdul Alhazred, as well as the famed correspondence to Miskatonic University from the Mountains of Madness. If it drives you insane at least your home will smell nice.
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Poisoned Apple Witch Spell

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Poisoned Apple Witch Spell
Cool. I always wanted to know how to make a poisoned apple. Now I can, thanks to this handy Poisoned Apple Witch Spell. Nah, I’m not gonna poison anybody. That would be bad. It’s just a good trick to know. Let’s say someone is going to mug me in an alley. I’ll offer the dude an apple. If he still mugs me, he deserves what he gets. He’ll take my wallet and a bite of apple before he runs off. Then I’ll just follow in the direction of where he ran, eventually stumble on his corpse and retrieve my wallet.

You took a bite of the apple son. I took a bite out of crime. Deal with it loser.

Or I could, you know, just display this thing in my house during Halloween. Yeah, that’s morally the better choice. Probably.

Skeleton Brooch With Scarf

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Skeleton Brooch With Scarf
Is it cold in here or is my Skeleton Brooch With Scarf just crazy? You should have seen him last week, when he was wearing a moo-moo with an Indiana Jones fedora. Yeah, he’s just crazy! Stop dressing up ya old coffin dodger! Next you’ll be singing show tunes. *He starts singing show tunes. I cover my ears.* Fine! Fine! Wear whatever you want!
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Zombie Eyes Bra

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Zombie Eyes Bra
Hey baby! Nice Zombie Eyes. This Zombie Eyes Bra will get you all kinds of attention. Know what I mean, bra?

Hey, eyes up here Mister!

Actually, they’re down there. I’m just making eye contact. The Walking Dead? More like Walking D Cups. Did I ever mention that I’m a zombie optometrist. For reals! If you let me feel around I think I can cure those cataracts for you. See, the trick is to massage the zombie ocular areas until those eyes perk right up-

SMACK!

I guess that ends my career in zombie eyeballs. I wasted like 2 days getting that online degree.

Gothic Black Leather Skull Journal

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Gothic Black Leather Skull Journal
Can you even wrap your skull around this Gothic Black Leather Skull Journal? It’s all creepy and spooky and full of skulls. Kinda like a cemetery that way. A cemetery for your deepest darkest thoughts. Bury them inside and close them like a casket as you snap the cover shut. Wow. I’m getting pretty dark. Good thing no one will ever see what I wrote in there. Pssst! *Beckons you closer* No one must ever know.
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