Nightmare Before Christmas Violins

Nightmare Before Christmas Violins
Etsy seller ChildatHeartPainter makes all kinds of cool Tim Burton inspired violins and guitars and stuff. They’re pretty cool. Practice makes perfect. You ask me, practice is just the nightmare before concert.

Reminds me of that one cello concert I was dragged to once. The guy gets up on stage and he’s all like, “Ladies and gentlemen…Yo Yo Ma!” And I swear he was looking at me when he said it.

Naturally, I was all like, “The f**k? What’d you say about my ma?” Then I rushed the stage and gave him a refreshing drink. Of Hawaiian punch! See, my fists had been on vacation until now.

Just as the cops were rushing onto the stage, the other guy explained that, “No. I am Yo Yo Ma!”

“Shut up. My mom is not a yo-yo! You haven’t all had a spin! Stop saying that!” That was when the cops tasered me. I hate classical music.
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Nightmare Before Christmas Zero Life Size Glow in the Dark Sculpture

Nightmare Before Christmas Zero Life Size Glow in the Dark Sculpture
This Nightmare Before Christmas Zero Life Size Glow in the Dark Sculpture looks like that dog from that movie, from that guy with the weird hair and weird wife, that he just divorced cuz his heart belongs to Johnny Depp.

What up Zero? Why so negative? It’s like you are null and void. Empty. Nothing to say? Well, thanks for nothing.

Get it? Because zero.

Whatevs. It’s almost 9 AM. Oh Danny boy….The booze, the booze is calling…

Fruit Bat Necklace

Fruit Bat Necklace
Wear this fruit bat necklace and let the cute little guy have a go at your own low hanging fruit. Hey, nothing wrong with low hanging fruit. It’s the easiest to pluck. You should see my man-mammaries. My fruit hangs so low to my gut, I got a fruit basket. It’s the gift I give myself.

Yes yes. I’m sure you are all firm and tight. *rolls eyes* Anyway, let this fruit bat sleep above your breasts. No, not me. Though I wouldn’t mind. I would be a good little fruit bat, I promise. I’m talking ’bout fruit bat!
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T-Rex Paper Mask

T-Rex Paper Mask
Make your own T-Rex Paper Mask and look all scary. You’ll have to provide your own stubby little arms.

Speaking of stubby little arms, T-Rex dinosaurs are terrible boxers. No reach. The whole match is like one long violent hug that never quite connects. Which explains why Universal never bought my script “Jurassic Punch”. That was a pretty big plot-hole. You live, you learn.
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Makeup Cosmetic Zipper Bag With Claw Marks

Makeup Cosmetic Zipper Bag With Claw Marks
If you like your makeup bag clawed and slashed, check out this one. It’s already been pre-slashed by a beast and it wasn’t me. I only leave claw marks on locked cupboards and the crack of my jeans. Some ointment fixed the latter, but I’m still trying to get to the Doritos that the wife locked up.

Anyway, this bag makes it look like you survived an attack from a monster and it even looks like it might be bleeding. Better put some peroxide on that and a band-aid. I hope it doesn’t need any…*Coy smile* cosmetic surgery.

See, because it’s a cosmetics bag. Oh whatever!
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