What the? A Hellraiser box. Damn, you raised hell on yourself son! Hellraiser fail! You supposed to raise hell on other people. Now look at you, with your weird jewelry, feeding tube and pins stuck into your face. Congratulations on splitting your head open too. Even your butt is full of pins and stickin’ out the side!
You got problems homie!
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These ugly Christmas sweater cookies seem to be sold out right now, but if you ask the seller they might make you some. I don’t think they’re ugly. They look delicious. I think I have some of those exact ones.
Hopefully they don’t taste like my sweater. Booze and regret mixed with a bunch of meh and a touch of bah humbug. Nah, I’m just kidding. I’m just bummed I can’t eat all of these sugary sweaters. Also bummed that when I add water to my current sweater and wring her out, no more booze. I guess it’s back to the store for me.
Etsy seller Fauncy wants to create a special board game just for you. Something weird and similar to this one seen here. I would totally rule at this board game. First, I would choose to use the Monopoly Thimble, cuz you know, that’s manly as s*it. Then I roll and move 4 spaces and totally roll a critical hit against that stone golem spider.
Even if I broke my wizard’s staff, it would be worth it, because I would search it’s dead body and take it’s fangs so I could make some sweet spider-daggers. That’s handy for later, when I turn against the other players and slash them. You been poisoned son! Spider teeth just made you drop like 200 gold. Deal wid it!
Then I would land on the spot that lets me drink that awesome potion. Wizard juice is on da loose! Tastes like gatorade, but don’t care. My health is at maximum even if my sobriety took a -8. That sweet nectar of arcane wizardry is a moment on the lips and a lifetime on the hips. Literally. I’m now a pear shaped old woman under my wizard robes. Damn you vile Trickster Elixir of Old Maidenhood! Don’t matter. I’m about to fight a dinosaur son!
Rolling for my attack of melt-flesh. Damn that drink made me f***ed up! The dice falls out of my hand just as my staff fizzles and makes a fart noise! Damn you potion. Stupid T-Rex grabs me in it’s teeth and breaks me in half. Luckily, my top half crawls away as it is devouring my lower half.
I slash at my fellow players with my spider-dagger as they pass me and watch them die one by one. Ha! The game is mine. Blood loss. Sight failing. Mumble. *No one wins…*
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This collection of authentic prison shivs, shanks, blades, snitch openers and rat skewers is displayed in a lovely shadowbox. They all supposedly date from the 1930’s through the 1960’s. They include such parts as a screwdriver stolen from the shop, duct tape,rope and who knows what else. Shivs. It’s how you make your point in da joint! Get it?
Read more “Snitches Get Stitches: Collection of Prison Shivs / Shanks”