Tag: horror

Skull and Bones Door Knocker

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Skull and Bones Door Knocker
Knock knock knock. I want to use this Skull and Bones Door Knocker so bad. I can almost feel it in my hand. Where’s my shopping VR program already? I just want to move his jaw and hear the sound. Pretend that he’s talking as I do. Then when the person answers the door, I’ll be all like, “Just go back inside. I’m playing here.” See I know how to pony like bony-maronie. I also know to leave when the police are called cuz some dude won’t stop f**king with your door knocker. But I’m taking it with me and putting it on my door.

Long story short: Not a good idea. Blogging from jail now. The pokey. The Hoosegow. Ye old ship of butt pirates tryin’ to shiv and shiver me timbers. Anyone have bail money? Cuz I really wanna bail now.

Burial Bath – Death and Decay Soap – Why Not?

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Burial Bath - Death and Decay Soap
Burial Bath – Death and Decay Soap. For when you really want to get clean, but you want to feel… Unclean? Dead? Decayed? I have no idea, but zombies would love it. If they took baths, Which they don’t. They should though. Cuz they are rant. Like walking city dumpsters in the summer. Take this zombie. Have yourself a bath. Burn those clothes too. That cheap Made In China shizz is decomposing faster than you are. Didn’t any of you die in quality threads? Oh yeah, Walmart.

Skeleton Necktie

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Skeleton Necktie
Check out this Skeleton Necktie. You are a skeleton so you should wear a skeleton. This skeleton is just hanging out by a mantle all bored thinking about who he’s gonna bone next. Ha. That was a good one. I would wear this and call him Cal. Then I’d talk to him. I’d be like,”You see those guys Cal?” and he’d be all like, “Cal see ’em! Cal see ’em boss!” Ha ha ha ha ha. Calcium.

Friday The 13th Beer Glass Chug Chug Chug Ah Ah Ah

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Friday The 13th Beer Glass
Chug chug chug, Ah ah ah. This Friday The 13th Beer Glass has everyone’s favorite serial killer along with what he says when he’s chugging beer. The party doesn’t get started until Jason arrives. Dude is a party animal. The downside is that the party ends when he has killed everyone. So yeah, there’s that. Enjoy it while you can I guess.

Kill Time Coloring Books

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Kill Time Coloring Books
These Kill Time Coloring Books are designed to give you peace of mind. Did someone piss you off? Well, don’t yell and curse at them. Color your anger away and release the tension in your life by coloring some of the greatest horror kills of all time. That’s how you relieve stress like an adult. Don’t grab your machete, grab your crayons. Then go in for the kill.