Tag: interior frighting

Wounded Deer Painting/Lamp

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

wounded deer etsy painting
Oh Etsy. You offer so much WTF and ask for so little in return. This Wounded Deer Painting looks like it belongs in a wasteland bar after the apocalypse, where you would find a bunch of Road Warrior cultist types worshiping it while 1940s music blares over a radio.

The candles on the antlers actually light up just like the ones on the base. What’s with the heart shaped quills on the arrows? This isn’t what love should look like. I’m confused. How is it even still alive? I’m scared. I don’t even know what to think. I’m sad.

Spam Night Light: Wham Bam Thank You Spam

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spam night light
Night lights keep monsters away. This SPAM night light keeps other more nutritious foods away while it beckons you with it’s ominous evil glow.

Spam, Spam,
The magical meat.
The more your eat,
The more you mess your seat.

Bake it, fry it.
You’ll never want to diet.

Open the can and down that juice,
Then sit on the can and let it loose.

Headless Teddy Bear Lamp

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teddy bear lampThis is the latest in decapitated teddy bear decor for your kids room. It connects via USB with plug adapters and gives off a soft warm glow that is sure to give your little one nightmares.

Every night your little bundle of nerves will wake up screaming and you will rush in the room to find a new decapitated stuffed animal from his collection. You’ll ask him about it and he will tell you from trembling lips that they are the nightly sacrifice that his master demands. And that he is down to only one stuffed animal left on the shelf…

I should know. That boy was me. Still have that lamp. It’s why I buy stuffed animals in bulk. It’s also why my backyard is full of stuffed torsos with no heads.
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Rib Cage Accent Lamp: Ribbed For Your (Reading) Pleasure

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rib lampNeed some crib light? Get a rib light! Doctor, my lamp has stopped working! I need an IV stat! Get me those rib spreaders! Keep an eye on the patients vitals while I change the bulb!

Need a shade on your rib lamp? Then put some meat on your bones. The only thing missing is a pull cord to turn it on and off, that looks like an intestine. Only $100.
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Creepy Baby Doll Head String Lights

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Creepy Baby Doll Head String LightsEtsy seller PrimAndGrim obviously has a real soft spot for making weird stuff. You know who else has a soft spot? Each one of those baby dolls. That’s where she jammed the lights into their heads. Now she probably hangs this string of brightly lit, decapitated rugrats up in her studio and performs weird Etsy rituals that summon buyers who have a taste for the strange.

I had a taste for the strange once. Wife solved that by clubbing me over the head a few hundred times. Now I only have eyes for her. That was a bonus true love story. Now I have a soft spot too.
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