Realistic Mouth In Glass

mouth in glass dome
This Realistic mouth is…Realistic. Creepy realistic. Is it bad that I want to kiss it? Don’t worry my sweet, I’m a lover not a biter. Damn, this girl is all chin. I didn’t notice at first, but holy chin dynasty! I think we found that moon dude from the old McDonalds commercials. “It’s Mac tonight!”

No wonder they put this realistic mouth under glass. She’s a Jay Leno cloning experiment gone wrong. Or gone right I guess. The scientists were all like, “Get it under a dome quick!” Then Jay Leno walked in all whiny voiced and prissy like he does, “Hey guyth, whath going on? Any luck with my soulmate yet?”

“Just go for another ride around the block in one of your old cars Mister Leno. We’ll let you know.” *Whispers* “Never tell him. Their chins must not collide!” *Makes large explosion motion with hands*

Fou Lard Bacon Scarf

bacon scarThis Fou Lard Bacon scarf looks delicious. It should keep you warm in the winter months and not make your neck all greasy like the real thing. Fun fact: The French word for a silk scarf is foulard. So…Fou Lard. That’s word play. Which is foreplay for scrabble players. I think.

Basically the guys who make this say that the word is composed by fou (insane) and lard (bacon). If bacon is insane then call my frying pan an asylum and lets give ’em all some really hot therapy. The doctor is in and it’s a good day when all of the patients end up in my tummy.

Do I even know what I’m saying? Not really? I’m mesmerized by the idea of bacon on one’s neck.
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$6,500.00 Fiberglass Python

fiberglass snakeSnakes! Why’d it have to be snakes? This 14 foot fiberglass python will scare the bejesus out of anything and anyone in your yard. It basically looks like one long bloody entrail. It weighs about 75-80 lbs. Not that size matters.

This should keep any form of life well away from your yard. Especially those boy scouts that collect canned food and leave that bag on your door so it ends up floating around in your yard, making you look like you are a pig. Yeah, I hate that. This should keep those little patch-earning fetuses away.
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