Hey guys, I think I just discovered what stands guard at the gates of hell. What? No, not my wife! Well, her too. I’m talking about this Evil Metal Robot Hell Dog. It can’t be stopped, it can’t be reasoned with, but I hear if you give it a nice bowl of warm milk, it will lay down and purr, then you can pass. Nevermind. That’s for evil robot hell cats. Yeah, if you see this thing, just kiss your butt goodbye. If you have three grand to spare, you can park it in your yard and command this hell beast or spend all day riding it like a motorcycle and making vroom vroom noises. That’s what I’d do.
Tag: monster
These Cool Monster Mugs Will Bite Your Face Off
Etsy seller MonsterMug isn’t called that because of their acne problem or cuz they are just plain ugly. They may be horrendous. Don’t know, never met them. I’ve heard stories though. But they go by that name cuz they make awesome and scary monster mugs. Kinda like that lady cashier I always run into at the Quicky Mart, except those are monster jugs. Really, nothing at all like that, except that it rhymes.
These mugs are fun and playful, but scary and they look like they want to bite your face off. One question: If I’m drinking out of a monster mouth? Are we swapping spit?
Read more “These Cool Monster Mugs Will Bite Your Face Off”
Godzilla Necktie
Stop stomping around the office you imbecile! And get those reports on my desk within the hour. Sorry boss, but this sweet Godzilla Necktie just kind of takes over, you know? I’m stomping around Tokyo. Those staplers and other company property that I just crushed with my feet? That’s Tokyo. I’ll get those reports to you within the hour sir.
Forty minutes later…
*Bursts through the bosses wall like the Kool-Aid man, with a loud monster shriek, flailing my arms as I drop the report on the desk.* I’m fired aren’t I? Yeah, I’ll just pack up my stuff. It’s been fun.
Monster Maggot In A Jar
I’ve seen my share of maggots. Don’t ask. But I’ve never seen a Monster Maggot before. I’m not even sure what to say about it. Cuz only bad things rhyme with maggot. And since that’s the grade level I’m at, I’m kind of at a loss. It’s a cyclops maggot cuz it only has one eye. Those teeth look pretty sharp. The face is pretty ugly too. Which is exactly what my dentist says to me. Followed by “Shhhh. Sleepy time now.”
Monster UV reactive mask
Holy shizz this guy is ugly. This Monster UV reactive mask is gonna be the perfect way to terrorize my neighbors. UV stands for ultra venereal, which as we all know, makes you glow like a radioactive freak and spreads from your weiner to your face. Huh? Ultra Violet? What the hell is that? Is that like Blu-Ray? Cuz I’m still rockin’ the VHS tapes.