Tag: monster

Zombie iPhone 7 Case – The Texting Dead

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Zombie iPhone 7 Case - The Texting Dead
This Zombie iPhone 7 Case is compatible with iPhone 5/5s, 6/6s, 7/7s. Looks like it could use some toothpaste. A little flossing wouldn’t hurt either. Damn son, you got some nasty choppers. I hope it doesn’t bite my finger when I answer my phone. I just feel like I want to do some reconstructive surgery on him, like one of those forensic guys. See what he looked like before he was turned into a rotting walking corpse.

Oh nevermind. I should have recognized Joan Rivers right away. Hey Joan. What up? Thanks for protecting my iPhone with your head.

Undead Zombie Hands Ring

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Undead Zombie Hands Ring
Any zombies in the house? Raise your hands! You in the back. Your hand just fell off. Some skin on your cheek too. Show of zombie hands, who wants this awesome Undead Zombie Hands Ring? Umm, look it’s hard to count you guys when your limbs keep falling off. And some of you are raising some hands that have already fallen off of other people. Some of you are raising feet. Whatever. I lost count. It’s really not worth it. Just wanted to show you all this cool ring, but half of you don’t have a ring finger. Guy in back who just raised a weiner in the air, I know the difference between a finger and a dinger! You guys are gross. I’m out.

Handcrafted Critter Horror Toy

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Handcrafted Critter Horror Toy
Look. A Critter Horror toy! Critters are the worst. You get with the wrong woman in the wrong part of town and you got nothin’ but critters all over your junk and the pharmacist is all like, “This’ll get rid of ’em” so you lather your firepole and bean bags up real good and nothin’. You still got critters everywhere, bitin’ and itchin’, making your junk feel like a whopper cuz it’s all flame broiled down there at this point. These guys are nasty.

The Classic Monster Coffin Blu-Ray Collection – 8 Disc Box Set

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The Classic Monster Coffin Blu-Ray Collection – 8 Disc Box Set
Imma sit back and relax on Halloween, watch my favorite monsters. Then after I’ve had enough of watching my parents fight Imma watch this The Classic Monster Coffin Blu-Ray Collection – 8 Disc Box Set. This is really the first time anything good has ever come out of a coffin. Except for that time I stole my uncle Henry’s rolex at the viewing.

This set gives you Dracula, Frankenstein, The Mummy, The Invisible Man, Bride of Frankenstein and The Wolf Man.

Frankenstein’s Monster and Bride of Frankenstein Coffin Coasters

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Frankenstein’s Monster and Bride of Frankenstein Coffin Coasters
When I drink, I don’t mess around. I lift that drink to my lips, drink it up until it’s dead, then slam it down on one of these Frankenstein’s Monster and Bride of Frankenstein Coffin Coasters. Then I bury it in the backyard. Okay, I made that last part up, but I’ll drink you under the table. Don’t believe me? Go ahead, come at me bro. *Kicks your chair out from underneath you. See? Now you’re under the table. That’s what’s up. Stay down punk.
These coasters will protect your counters and furniture, while looking awesome. Perfect for Halloween or any time you want some extra horror in your life.