Tag: novelty

Animal Head Shoulder Bags

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animal head shoulder bag
Etsy seller BENWINEWIN sells some cute and weird big-head animal shoulder bags. You and me baby ain’t nothing but mammals so let’s do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. You mean get low ratings and change your programming to show everything but animal shows? Well, I kinda meant dry humping the corner of the couch, but whatevs.

Nothing says fashion like a large cat or dog head at your hip with no body in sight. Which reminds me of the time that Cat Ghost head appeared over my bed that one night and scratched my face.

Ow!

Ow?

Yeah ouch! You hit me, so ow! Me Ow! As in Me ow! What gives?

I told them I could make you say it. Stupid human! The first phase is complete! We are the Cat Ghosts. We are legion. Expect us.

Then it coughed up an ectoplasmic furball and vanished. I think we are in for a real s**tstorm people!
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Fleece Sloth Animal Hat

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fleece sloth hat
This Brown Fleece Sloth Animal Hat will keep you warm, but it will take all damn day to do it. Do you have any idea how slow Sloths are? They’re full of slow slothhy sloth-ness, which is a medical condition. You would have to tell this hat, “Hey, I’m going out next week and it’s going to be cold. I’m gonna put you on my head now. So get your s*it together and start placing your arms in ear-warming and scarf positions now.”

It might be ready by next week if you’re lucky. What the hell is the Sloth’s problem? It’s so damn chill and slow. The stoner of the animal kingdom. Are there no predators you are worried about? Speed it up man! Even I got predators. What’s that? Oh right. Those are creditors. Always get them confused.
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Custom Gamecube Purse

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Gamecube Purse
This Custom Gamecube Purse is perfect if your name is Princess Zelda or Princess Peach. Also if you want to be able to cave some guy’s skull in when they try to steal your purse. I say, if a woman is going to wear a Gamecube purse, she should at least let a nerd like me plug my controller into her port, but then again, I’ll use any excuse to both talk to a woman and to plug my controller in her port.

Why isn’t it working? You are my dream woman, but where’s your screen? I have to say I’m very disappointed.

Last Supper Clothing: Surprisingly Doesn’t Cost 30 Pieces Of Silver

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last supper skirt and shirt
Dining with Jesus? Wear this Last Super Skirt and Dress! Hey Jesus. What up? Should be a good meal. Did you order yet? I hear the fries are awesome here. What? Nah, it’s just a dress. Doesn’t mean anything. Chill dude. How about turning my water into wine here?*gulp* Gotta be honest. Tastes more like vinegar.

Well it’s been a slice. Gotta go. Hey let me take care of the bill. No, it’s my pleasure. Passes some silver to the guy behind me.
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Gamer Wedding Cake Toppers

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gamer wedding cake topper
Look at these guys. Getting dragged away from their video game crack habit. These Gamer Wedding Cake Toppers let you know right at the wedding that your gaming days are over. Suckers. The first step in not getting married is to avoid women. Period. Step one will help you to avoid women’s periods too. Sure, we all have an urge to spend time with the fairer sex, but that’s what rescuing Princess Peach is all about. What I’m saying is, they can’t trap you into a video game-less marriage if you stay inside and play video games all day.

Take it from me. That’s just how I roll. Of course the only downside is being 30 and having your MOM drag you away from the video games. And up the basement stairs. And paddling your backside, but that’s a whole other story. That really sucks. If you haven’t seen actual sunlight in a few weeks, that shizz hurts your eyeballs! Not to mention your heinie. Happened to me last week!
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