Tag: novelty

Awesome Garden Gnomes Look Like Your Favorite Geek Characters

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creepy garden gnomes
Etsy seller ianthegnome makes all kinds of crazy garden gnomes that look like superheroes, wrestlers, video game characters. You name it. Okay, I will. I name it awesome. Check out a bunch below and then go crazy ordering them for your yard. I call dibs on Superman and Batman cuz I’m creating my own gnome Justice League.

You can have Dexter and his cellophane wrapped victim. Gizmo too. No way I’m putting a Mogwai in my garden. You know he’s gonna get wet and multiply into a s**t ton of evil Gremlins that are going to break everything, eat everything and cause nothing but trouble. In other words, another me. One of me is plenty. I refuse to share my junk food and there’s not much left in my house that I haven’t broken already.
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The Potty Piano

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potty piano
Create a jingle while you tinkle with the Potty Piano! It will give you something to do while dropping the kids in the pool. Let your feet tap out a tune while your keester is dropping to the beat. Feeling creatively backed up? No problem. It comes with a songbook.

Play some Chopping Broccoli while you are dropping some Broccoli you ate like 12 hours ago! The hits like the s*its just keep on coming. This is how Elton John got his start. And his name!
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Giant Zipper Bottle Opener

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zipper bottle opener
This Giant Zipper Bottle Opener is huge. Can you imagine the size of the tally whacker behind that pull tab? XYZBO. Examine Your Zipper Bottle Opener! Because it’s down. Near the bottom of your fridge and not pulled up top. We’ve all been there. You’re at a party. You don’t have a bottle opener. So you open your zipper and pop that top on it’s teeth, careful not to damage the family jewels. But what if you’re rocking a button fly?

First off, screw you! Button flies are for losers and slow pee-ers. By the time you get out of the gate, I’m gonna be giving it a shake and then washing my hands. Maybe dribbling onto your shoe if you’re in the urinal next to me. Too bad, you shouldn’t have peeked! Anyway, this Giant Zipper Bottle Opener is the classy way to open bottles. And you won’t risk damage to your wee-wee. You’re welcome.
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Mummified Baby Bird Feeder

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mummified baby bird feeder
Damn that’s nasty! Don’t have a mummified corpse to put in your yard so that birds and squirrels can feed from it’s dead body? No problem. Etsy seller AutumnsOddities has you covered. Your yard animals will love this Mummified Baby Bird Feeder.

Basically it makes it look like you left your kid permanently unattended in your yard until little Bobby or Susie has become squirrel food. Just fill it up with bird seed and then watch nature do it’s nasty thing. Just remember, they’ll be pecking at you next while you try to sip some lemonade in the backyard.
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Animal Butt Magnets Have Animal Magnetism

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animal butt magnets
These Animal Butt Magnets let you unleash your inner animal. Hey honey, where’s the grocery list? Check the elephant’s butt. On the fridge. Forget flat magnets. Instead use something that looks like it’s going to drop a deuce on your kitchen floor. Thankfully this animal booty won’t drop animal doody.

This set of six animal magnets includes a giraffe, leopard, lion, elephant, tiger and hippo butts. Fun fact: The Hippo butt is my spirit animal. That’s why walking through Walmart is like a holy pilgrimage for me.