Tag: novelty

Watch Your Back: Gold Googly Eye Bomber Jacket

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google eye jacket
Great Googly Moogly! Watch your back when wearing this Gold Googly Eye Bomber Jacket. I guess it already is being watched. It’s all business in front, making you look all gold and sexy. But in back, the eyes are following you. And creeping out everyone behind you. If you have any stalkers, this should be enough to get rid of them.

Don’t worry about strangers eyeing you up. Your jacket is already doing that. It’s like a field of Googly eyed stars all free-floating in space. All looking down at your badonkadonk.
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This Is Why You’re Fat: Car French Fry Holder

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

french fry holder
Why stop eating french fries just because you are driving? Texting and driving? That’s just crazy. But eating fries and driving is no problem apparently. Guys, if I get into a car accident and I see fries flying everywhere, I’m gonna know why you crashed into me. Because you have a Car French fry holder and were stuffing your face. And I’m gonna use it as evidence in court to make the judge send your french fry loving and driving butt to Jenny Craig.

And as we are comparing insurance info, don’t try to claim that the fries that flew into my car are yours. They’re not. And you don’t need ’em tubby!

Aren’t You A Little Constipated To Be A StormPooper?

Artemis WinterfordLeave a comment

trooper on a pooper
Friend to the site and all around cool guy(He still scares me though) DeadGreedy has another fun bit of Star Wars weirdness. A StormPooper. This Funko Pop figure is reading the paper, trying to force his muscles like a trash compactor, so he can lay some Imperial mines.

I hope he cleans up real good, because everyone knows Stormtroopers can’t shoot straight. Speaking of shooting, why does he need his blaster while on the toilet?

Oh, that’s right. This is a cut scene from George Lucas’ “remastered” Star Wars. I read about this. There was that comedy bit where every time this guy sat down to do his business, he got interrupted by Leia’s rescue. As I recall, it ended with this guy cowering on the Millenium Falcon toilet, as an angry Wookie bursts in, ready to take a hefty “Steamy Ewok”.

Chalkboard Skull

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chalkboard skull
Ancient humans knew how to leave notes for each other. They would just take some ash from their fires and write on the skulls of their dearly departed. They had plenty of writing space too since everyone died at like 23 back then. Once you hit puberty you knew it was all over.

Now you can write messages on skulls too thanks to this handy Chalkboard Skull. They come in all kinds of different fancy colors and styles. Or you could just, you know, use the skull you have and write messages on your own head in sharpie. That’s what I do. Which is probably why I only remember to get eggs when I look in the mirror. Or when I’m walking down the street and people point and laugh, saying, “Hey eggs” or “It’s the egg-man!”

Hand Crocheted WWII Tank Slippers: Tanks For The Warm Feet…Pew Pew Pew

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crochet tank slippers
Pew! Pew! Pew! My Tank slippers sank your battleship. That’s what you get for wearing battleship slippers on desert themed carpeting. The tanks are gonna win every time. Let me throw you a lifeline and I’ll tow you to safety. Get it? Tow you? Toe you?

You’re welcome! Oh I thought you said tanks for the joke. My mistake. I’ll tread more carefully. Are you even getting all of these awesome tank jokes? Whatevs. I’m gonna go make some Rommel Ramen noodles and chill.