Tag: novelty

Vintage Batman Water Gun

Artemis Winterford2 Comments

batman squirt gun
Holy inappropriateness Batman! This vintage Batman water gun is just plain wrong. It’s bad enough that Batman is bending over, but then you are expected to “pull his trigger” as if giving him a reach-around. That’s when the spray comes out of his mouth.

It was made in the 1960’s. At a time when none of us were perverts and would have never noticed the weirdness/creepiness of this water gun. To top it all off, you refill water directly into the plug on his Bat-butt. Oh well. I guess an enema never hurt anybody. It could be worse. There could be a Robin accessory that refills him.

Vintage Deck of Cards Straitjacket

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deck of cards straight jacket
Any 8s? Nope. Go fish. Any Aces? Nope. Go fish. This game is boring. Why don’t we play something else? Like crazy 8s? Well, because that game is too damn crazy. That’s why I have my deck secured in a straight jacket. So it doesn’t hurt itself or others with it’s sharp edges. I also have it taking some pills and talking to a counselor once a week.

This straight jacket for cards is perfect for that one crazy deck you have that’s dangerous and deranged. It would also be perfect for keeping a haunted deck restrained. No cards are escaping this straight jacket!
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Your Stick Figure Family Was Delicious T-Rex Decal

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t rex stick figure family
See that? That’s what I think about your stick figure family. I stomped all over your precious little backseat-barnacles, then snapped their bones with my teeth, their sweet stick figure blood dripping down my T-Rex chin. I let mommy and daddy live just so they could spread the word to other stick figure families. Then I roared a mighty roar of victory! Well, not victory exactly. Was trying to find a sweet dino-mate who has some extra swing in her tail.

Put this Your Stick Figure Family Was Delicious T-Rex Decal on your ride and let all of those stick figure families know that they have been pwned.

Puking Dog Toothpaste Dispenser

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dog puke toothpaste
Dog puke. What can you do? At least they don’t sit there and retch all day like cats. They get it over with quick cause they have stuff to do. Thanks to this puking dog toothpaste cap, you can combine all the awesomeness of a puking dog with brushing your teeth. And your mouth won’t even smell like dog puke afterward.

He is an amazing dog that pukes sparkly and white magic all over your toothbrush. Ha! Harry Potter had a lame owl, but I got this. Suck it Harry Potter! My magic is better then yours. What? Sure I’ll have a jelly bean. Ew, that’s nasty! That was booger flavored. I hate you Harry! I hate you! *breaks down and cries like a baby* Have to go. It’s nappy time and I’m grumpy.

Cheeseburger Wristwarmer Set

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cheeseburger handwarmer
This cheeseburger wrist warmer set will keep you warm in cold weather, which beats buying like 4 Big Macs and stuffing them into your coat for warmth. One under each arm pit and two in this special bra I made. Go ahead and laugh, but I’m warm and toasty, even if I do smell like substandard meat all day. I also get a 6 pack of Chicken Mcnuggets, but I ain’t saying where I put those.

I would totally rock these, but I don’t see any pickles. You gotta have pickles.