I’ve seen my share of maggots. Don’t ask. But I’ve never seen a Monster Maggot before. I’m not even sure what to say about it. Cuz only bad things rhyme with maggot. And since that’s the grade level I’m at, I’m kind of at a loss. It’s a cyclops maggot cuz it only has one eye. Those teeth look pretty sharp. The face is pretty ugly too. Which is exactly what my dentist says to me. Followed by “Shhhh. Sleepy time now.”
Tag: novelty
These Monstrous Pet Rocks Will Leave You Petrified
VoodooDelicious sells some horrifying pet rocks. You can’t just go out in nature and find pet rocks like these, not that I’ve experienced nature ever. I’m chained to this computer so I can bring awesome stuff like this to your attention. These rocks rock! Don’t ever take them for granite!
I’m gonna put one of these on my desk to remind me that there are horrors in this world. And also so I can hit people in the head. You never know when you’re gonna need a weapon. And these rocks will look them in the face while bashing them. That’s gotta count for something.
Coffin Wine Stopper For Your Macabre Merlot
I know that all of that wine is gonna kill my liver, so my bottle might as well have a coffin top. This Coffin Wine Stopper will help your liver and your wine RIP. That’s rest in peace. Just in case anyone thought I was typing a fart sound my butt just made. That would be more like riiippppp with a tight squeak. And it just happened for reals. Man, I need some coffin underwear now, cuz that one killed my colon. Scratch that. I just need new underwear.
Awesome Food Beast Art Prints – Inner Food Demons
Are you a food beast? When you tear through a bag of cheetos, do you turn into a monster? Me too. We should hang out some time and go all beastly on some junk food. These Awesome Food Beast Art Prints show our inner monsters when it comes to food and drink. The seller CindyAndersonArtist has several of them to choose from and I’m pretty sure they are all based on me. Especially that Cheetos guy. Looks just like me, except my hands go all orange and sometimes i make lines of the dust on the bottom of the bag and take a toot or two.
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Octopus Shoulder Bag
Got any spare change? Mind if I shove my hand in your Octopus Shoulder Bag and find out? This bag would be perfect for a girl named Mari. Cala-Mari. Carry this guy on your shoulder and you are gonna turn heads. Everyone’s gonna be making quite the octo-fuss over it. Are we sure it’s not a shock-to-pus, cuz it shocks me how awesome this thing is. And I don’t shock easy. Well, aside from tasers. Those shock me.
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