Man, this is a dark Creepy Kitchen Towel Set. I don’t own any towels cuz I mostly use my shirt for a towel, but if I owned these, I would wait until a guest used them and say stuff like, “Leave and never darken my towels again.” Or “So you throw in the towel eh? I win again! Best of three?” Towels are fun. They’re towel-toly awesome! Don’t towel anyone I said so.
You get a heart, a skull and a raven. Wait that’s a crow. I think I just ate crow.
Read more “Creepy Kitchen Towel Set”
These miniature tombstones are apparently for really tiny people. RIPman. RIP. If I had a tiny hat I would tip it and hold it to my heart. But I don’t. So instead, I’m pouring out some liquor for my tiny homies. Oh s**t, here comes the wife!
Were you just pouring liquor all over my tiny tombstones that are in the dirt for my potted plant?
Just honoring the homies. Don’t be a hater! Besides liquor makes plants grow quicker. Everybody knows that. Except for that shriveled up plant in the corner. That one couldn’t hold it’s liquor. What a pansie! Get it? Oh s**t, put down that vase!
Read more “Cool Miniature Tombstones”
I must be a bird cuz these Scarecrow Masks from darkmasks scare the bejeebus out of me. You know what happens when a bird sees these faces looking at ’em? They just explode in a mess of feathers and guts. That’s how scary these masks are.
This reminds me of that time I did a stand up routine for a room full of scarecrows. You can guess how that went. Yeah, I left them in stitches. I’d offer these scarecrows something to eat, but they’re already stuffed. Yeah, that’s just a little scarecrow humor. That’s the last straw I promise.
Read more “Crazy Creepy Scarecrow Masks”
These Sticky Note Nightmares make me happy that nobody leaves me notes. Aside from the usual “You suck at parking” note anyway. No, YOU suck at parking. That’s why I got here first! You also suck at notes, because there’s no creepy artwork like on these scary sticky notes.
You know what my sticky note nightmares are? Leaving a note that says, “Need Mac and Cheese ASAP – happy face – happy face – I love you.” and then my wife leaves a note that says, “Get it yourself you fat f**k – happy face – happy face. Lose weight.”
Seriously, I think that this could happen one day and it sends chills up my spine. Oh wait, that was just the 64 oz. Slurpee I just sat on. Maybe I am a fat f**k. Food for thought. Wait. Doesn’t food for thought make your brain obese? I best not overthink it. You can also check out this awesome Dark Violin Art.
Read more “Sticky Note Nightmares”
Want some smells emanating from your skull? I’m not talking about your shampoo. I’m talking about these cool Scented Skull Candles. Normally skulls have one smell. Death. Especially when you happen upon one on a hot day in a pit, but I’ve said too much. I don’t know what these skulls are supposed to smell like. Scratch and sniff pizza? Teen spirit? Victory? Broccoli farts? I have no idea. But their pretty. Much more nicely colored than my own skull. I think I’ll get one and discover their macabre mystery scent.
Sniffing scented skulls scares sore sinuses so severely, Suzie sneezes snot! Heh. I made a little poem like I was 4 years old. Which is pretty impressive cuz I’m more like 5.
Read more “Scented Skull Candles”