If you are Mad Max and sleeping in the post-apocalyptic desert somewhere, this is the rooster that wakes you up. Then it laughs maniacally and tries to shoot you. This Mohawk Rooster Mask Wall Hanging will let you recreate that feeling anytime you want.
Cock-a-doodle-do motha f***er!
Vroom vroom! I love hitting the open road with my bone-r-cycle and feeling the power of the skeleton rev between my legs. That’s why I love this Bone Chillin’ Skeleton Motorcycle Statue. I’ll ride anything with ribs. I realize how dirty that sounds. It’s literally a white knuckle ride. See that guy’s knuckles there on the front wheel? White. I think this guy was in that show called Bones of Anarchy. Love that show. Skeleton gangs rule!
This is a cool Gothic Spider Web Shelf, but I already have one. You know how I got it? I just don’t dust. That’s probably why I also have a Gothic mantle of dead bugs and a Gothic refrigerator with mold behind it. Do you think spiders will be drawn to this shelf? I would be if I were a spider. A pre-fab web already built, so I don’t have to wear out my spider-butt spinning silk? Sign me up.
This Cthulhu Fireside Companion Set is a set of cool tools for your fireplace. Probably forged by a blacksmith with some Cthulhu tentacle slime to give it magical properties. It is a “set”, not an actual “Cthulhu Fireside Companion”, cuz trust me, that doesn’t work.
Thanks for being my companion as I sit by the fire, Cthulhu. Hey, stop squirming. I know you barely fit in that chair, what with your butt-tentacles and all, but damn, sit still. What do you mean it’s too hot in here? Okay, so your skin is drying out. Put on some moisturizer. Damn, stop complaining and just enjoy an evening by the fire! You know something? You are not a good fireside pal!
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What do you think you’ll find in this Vintage Morticians Day Planner Diary?
9 AM: Went shopping at the local embalming emporium. Got a sweet deal on some cosmetics for the dead too.
11 AM: Stitched up some guy’s butthole so no more diarrhea comes out. That’s embarrassing.
12 PM: Lunch
1 PM: Arranged the bodies to recreate some of my favorite scenes from musicals. I was mildly amused, but must get back to cutting them. The sweet cutting is what I crave. And then the dressing them.
9 PM: Time for bed. Time for lonely. Until the morning when my silent friends will greet me once again and I will hug them and dress them and have tea parties. Oh I would love a cup. How have you been? It’s been so long! Kisses on each cheek.
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